Sasquatch! Music Festival

Sometimes the planets and stars align and everything falls into place for that one perfectly scripted day. That’s what I would say about this year’s Sasquatch! festival in central Washington State if I were a purveyor of astrology. I’m not, so instead I offer this—Thank you, God. The perfect combination of venue and music artists is possible, and it just went down on May 24th, two hours east of Seattle, Washington.

Start by imagining yourself floating down into the Grand Canyon. About halfway down you stop in midair and take in the scenery. That’s it, your musical backdrop. There’s your venue.

The Gorge, just beyond a smattering of farmer’s fields outside the tiny town of George, Washington is a half-shell amphitheatre built into the side of a canyon looking out over the Columbia Gorge and the Columbia river basin wriggling far below.

Add Coldplay, who’s currently mopping up the American charts with its hit "Clocks" from the album A Rush of Blood to the Head, and you’ve got a show to write your grandchildren about. Add The Flaming Lips, Liz Phair, Neko Case, Death Cab for Cutie, Jurassic 5, Modest Mouse, Pedro the Lion; not to mention a wonderfully sunny day shifting to a cool windless evening under the stars after the red sun glitters off the water below and sets behind the main stage-and other nifty surprises-and you might as well add a happy heart attack to the menu. It doesn’t get any better than this.

Splayed over three stages, the 12-hour day of music is in its second year, and somebody is doing something right. Thirteen of the 29 bands this year hail either from Washington or Portland, giving the event local credibility while still appealing to the masses.

Follow me as I do my best to take it all in:

Front Gate Stage 11 a.m. Audio Learning Center
Also known as, the While-You-are-Waiting-in-Line-to-Get-Inside-for-the-Real-Bands Stage, mostly the audience consists of a long snaking line of people. What a terrible name for a band. I don’t want to associate rock ’n’ roll with my high school library. They sounded okay as a background to my being felt up by security and told to empty my water bottle prior to park entry. But all of us know better things are to come inside the park. It’s like trying to stave off the gates of Disneyland with a puppet show. I like puppet shows, but get real… I would not return.

Plaza Stage 11:30 a.m. Minus The Bear

A good rocking band to open the day. The crowd loved to see a hearty handful of Seattle club bands out of doors, and Minus was a great way to get things started. Very tight. They do a hammering fingering guitar thing. What a neat trick. This is a great medium-sized stage with a nice stretch of lawn to laze about on. People are milling up hillside. Why? Oh, a beer garden. Eight bucks a can. Seriously. Plaza Stage 12:30 p.m. Ron Sexsmith With his folksy oldsy guitar spangling, Ron Sexsmith brings the emo hippies a-running, they with their butterfly tattoos and bra-less tank tops, braids wrapped in bandanas. Toss your hemp backpack on the lawn and don’t mind if the bananas and incense fall out.

Main Stage 12:31 p.m. Maktub

They’re big. Another highly regarded Northwest act. It seems as if they have a very loyal following up front, though this is more of sit-on-the-grassy-hillside-and-chill music. Their songs sound too different from one another. If you’re gonna get in the groove, man, stay in the groove. Don’t slow it down for jazzy R&B licks and extended keyboard riffage.

Plaza Stage 1:30 p.m. Kathleen Edwards

All I know about Kathleen Edwards is that she rocked it in a sultry Cat Power way. She talked a lot about Canada, so I assume she hails from there. She had the Dave Matthews leg thing going. Simple songs with good melodies and heavy lyrics. After one song she looked out over the Gorge as if for the first time. “Holy Shit! It's beautiful out there. Look at that!"

Main Stage 1:30 p.m. Eisley

I wasn’t there. I was seeing Kathleen Edwards, and have no regrets. I think my grandfather’s first car was an Eisley.

Plaza Stage 2: 30 p.m. Sam Roberts

I didn’t stick around. I’ve seen enough guys playing heartfelt guitar songs in the chords of G, A, and D. But now I look in some publicity thing and see that Sam Roberts is supposed to be Canada’s answer to Bruce Springsteen. I picture a guy in blue jeans with a bandanna in his back pocket standing in front of a huge maple leaf singing “Born in To-ronto, Eh!” In fact, someone should make a mockumentary film about “Canada’s answer to Bruce Springsteen.” Sort of “Bob Roberts” meets “Canadian Bacon” and “A Mighty Wind.” No really, someone please make it.

Main Stage 2:31 p.m. Jason Mraz

There was some hype here. This is a one of the new kids on the Dave Matthews block. Sensitive vocal pop-rock. Except the hype didn’t pay off for me. Lines like "Don't be surprised if the best music comes from the skies" are too campy and pseudo-poetic for me. Make a bumper-sticker and sell it to the dolphins. I don’t need anymore cliché-trampled moody blues. Then the musical showboating, oh god, the showboating. Licky jazzy guitar solos. Lots of breaking it down and saying things to make the post-college girls cheer and giggle. I give up.

Main Stage 3:30 p.m. Liz Phair

So out walks the 30-something Liz Phair looking like a 19-year old tart in knee-high leather boots, a waitress skirt, lots of eye makeup and a t-shirt with the word “F—k” on it. Brilliant. With an entrance like that, of course she’s gonna start the set off with the song “F—k and Run” from the album Exile in Guyville. It’s just her on guitar, a backup guitarist, and a bass player. She talked about coming in a private jet the size of a shoe, flying over the Gorge before landing. She played some stripped-down versions of songs off the new album Liz Phair, the memory of which I now hold more dearly after hearing them in their over-produced glossy, slick, is-this-even-Liz-Phair?, mass-marketed, bubblegum-on-your-shoe of a record. The set was only half an hour. Far too short, as if her set was a last-minute addition. Jangly guitar and vocals. That is the Liz Phair I know and love.