A Field Guide to Animal Bands

Edited by Rachael Maddux • Illustrations by Jeremy Holmes
Contributing Faunomusicologists: Evan Coulombe, Jeremy Goldmeier, Caren Kelleher, Jason Killingsworth, Nick Marino

Behold the animal-band kingdom and its wondrous variety of herds, hives, broods and gaggles. For the benefit of present and future generations, the Paste Faunomusicology Society's team of hardy researchers scoured the globe-- the dusty wilds of the Australian outback, the frothy shores of California's coast, the icy tundra of Sheffield and most everywhere in between-- to bring you this, our humble offering on the grand altar of naturalism, our Field Guide to Animal Bands.

Please peruse these pages and click on each image to fully behold the majesty of our labors.

JUNGLE

Elefant (a)
Atmospherius peanuttius
Habitat: Dwells in New York City, but boasts Argentinian roots
Conservation status: With few recent sightings reported, some scientists believe species population is on the decline. Others maintain that the creatures are simply in extensive hibernation, citing research that suggests sunlight makes them paranoid.

Le Tigre (b)
Grrlius electronicus
Diet: Befriends and protects creatures that would normally become dinner for big cats, subsisting instead upon leafy greens and crepes
Conservation status: Endangered. Many researchers feel the creatures’ unconventional feeding habits have made them easy targets for more aggressive prey, thus the decline.

Wolfmother (c)
Sabbathius reverencia
Habitat: Australian outback
Appearance: Notable for its powerful stance, dark rings around the eyes and absence of fur on its forequarters, this creature also exhibits a shock of curly hair on its head and muzzle—as difficult to tame as the beast itself.

Jesus Lizard (d)
Yowlius howlius
Behavior: Abrasive and erratic, with a shocking tendency to expose its genitals
Mating Cry: Alternately screeching and droning
Conservation status: Extinct, pending resurrection and second coming

Grizzly Bear (e)
Knifeus buzzius
Mating Cry: A ghostly siren song that has lured many unsuspecting hipsters into the creature’s lair
Habitat: Brooklyn, though occasionally retreats to mother’s den to reproduce

Mastodon (f)
Shreddus extremis
Did you know? This is one of the few tusked mammals hailing from the American South.
Defense mechanism: Terrifying roar
Appearance: A notable example of the Progressivus metalus species (which, until recently, was believed extinct), the Mastodon is a giant creature covered with mysterious blue-green markings and sporting a wild auburn mane.
Behavior: Known to assert its dominance over smaller, wimpier creatures. Spends most of its time crushing rock.

Arctic Monkeys (g)
Sheffieldius buzzius
History: One of the first species discovered through internet surveillance, these energetic mammals quickly became popular pets. However, owners who doted upon them in their young and cuddly infancy proved less interested in caring for them as they aged. Once the novelty wore off, many were released back into the wild.

Pedro The Lion (h)
Davus depressus
Habitat: This brooding feline prefers rainy coastal climes
Weaknesses: Suffers from a lack of control and a tender achilles heel

Gorillaz (i)
Fakebandius maximus