We know the Grammy Awards almost always get it wrong, but sometimes they get it really, really wrong.
Song of the Year
Winner: Alan Menken & Tim Rice for "A Whole New World" by Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle
Billy Joel for "The River of Dreams" by Billy Joel, Jim Steinman for
"I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meat Loaf, Sting
for "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You" performed by Sting, Neil Young for
"Harvest Moon" performed by Neil Young
Shafted: "Harvest Moon." Fuckin' Aladdin? Really?
Winner: Burt Bacharach & Carole Bayer Sager for "That's What Friends Are For" performed by Dionne Warwick & Friends
Peter Gabriel for "Sledgehammer" performed by Peter Gabriel, Robert
Palmer for "Addicted to Love" performed by Robert Palmer, Steve Winwood
& Will Jennings for "Higher Love" performed by Steve Winwood, Paul
Simon for "Graceland" performed by Paul Simon
Shafted: "Graceland." Friends are not for allegedly ripping off friends' songs, but at least the songs were good.
Record of the Year
Winner: "Sunny Came Home" by Shawn Colvin
Losers: "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone" by Paula Cole, "Everyday Is a Winding Road" by Sheryl Crow, "MMMBop" by Hanson, "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly
Shafted: "MMMBop." My inner thirteen-year-old-self has bad bangs, awkward pants and unvanquished rage over this slight, and will go furiously journal in her room—alone, for hours, with a pink pen—if challenged. Don't make me do it.
Winner: "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin
Losers: "Giving You the Best That I Got" by Anita Baker, "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman, "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson, "Roll With It" by Steve Winwood
Shafted: "Fast Car." Sorry, Bobby. Totes unhappy.
Winner: "We Are the World" by USA for Africa
Losers: "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits, "The Boys of Summer" by Don Henley, "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News, "Born in the U.S.A." by Bruce Springsteen
Shafted: "Born in the U.S.A." There comes a time to heed a certain call, and that call is "Broooooce!"
Winner: "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Captain & Tennille
Losers: "At Seventeen" by Janis Ian, "Lyin' Eyes" by The Eagles, "Mandy" by Barry Manilow, "Rhinestone Cowboy" by Glen Campbell
Shafted: "At Seventeen." Janis herself probably wasn't too suprised, but Tina Fey will surely back me up on this!
Album of the Year
Winner: Two Against Nature by Steely Dan
Losers: Midnite Vultures by Beck, The Marshall Mathers LP by Eminem, Kid A by Radiohead, You're the One by Paul Simon
Shafted: Kid A. Against nature, indeed.
Winner: Falling Into You by Celine Dion
Losers: Odelay by Beck, The Score by The Fugees, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by The Smashing Pumpkins, Waiting to Exhale: Original Soundtrack Album by various artists
Shafted: Odelay. Guess two turntables and a microphone vs. fifteen producers and 32 million copies sold isn't quite a fair battle, though.
Winner: The Bodyguard: Original Soundtrack Album by Whitney Houston
Losers: Kamakiriad by Donald Fagen, River of Dreams by Billy Joel, Automatic for the People by R.E.M., Ten Summoner's Tales by Sting
Shafted: Automatic for the People. Little known fact: Dolly Parton wrote "I Will Always Love You" about this album.
Winner: Can't Slow Down by Lionel Richie
Losers: She's So Unusual by Cyndi Lauper, Purple Rain by Prince, Born in the U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen, Private Dancer by Tina Turner
Shafted: Purple Rain. Or Born in the U.S.A. Or, really, anything.
Winner: Christopher Cross by Christopher Cross
Losers: Glass Houses by Billy Joel, The Wall by Pink Floyd, Trilogy: Past Present Future by Frank Sinatra, Guilty by Barbra Streisand
Shafted: The Wall by Pink Floyd. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?!
Winner: Blood, Sweat & Tears by Blood, Sweat & Tears
Losers: Abbey Road by The Beatles, The Age of Aquarius by The Fifth Dimension, Crosby, Stills & Nash by Crosby, Stills & Nash, At San Quentin by Johnny Cash
Shafted: Abbey Road. Mostly just tears, here.
Best New Artist
Winner: Milli Vanilli
Losers: Neneh Cherry, Indigo Girls, Soul II Soul, Tone L?c
Shafted: Neneh Cherry, Indigo Girls, Soul II Soul, Tone L?c
Winner: Tracy Chapman
Losers: Rick Astley, Toni Childs, Take 6, Vanessa L. Williams
Shafted: Toni Childs.
Winner: Christopher Cross
Losers: Irene Cara, Robbie Dupree, Amy Holland, The Pretenders
Shafted: The Pretenders. Irony: They're the realest of the bunch.
Winner: A Taste of Honey
Losers: The Cars, Elvis Costello, Chris Rea, Toto
Shafted: Elvis Costello. A taste of...wait, who?