We Need More Cowbell! VH1's Behind the Music Returns, But Who Deserves an Episode?

Were it not for VH1's Behind the Music, a whole generation would never be able to answer the many haunting questions of modern music: Did Milli Vanilli really lip-sync their groundbreaking "Girl You Know It's True?" Why were the guys in Hootie and the Blowfish smiling all the time? And what the hell was with that bumblebee girl in Blind Melon's "No Rain" video?

It was with heavy hearts that fans of BtM watched a chapter of their lives end when the show was pulled to semi-retirement in 2002.

But like a phoenix rising out of the dust, so too shall the show return to television. Months after the initial announcement, word has come down that Behind the Music will relaunch on VH1 Sept. 10 with an episode about the ever-modest Lil Wayne. This one is bound to be a tear-jerker (expected dialogue: "It was at that moment when I realized that cough syrup had become my only friend. Yezzir!" We kid because we love, Weezy.). Here's a clip from the series premiere:



The show's ever-present obscurity-fame-addiction-downfall arc will take a backseat in the new season, as the show will also include episodes on contemporary artists Pink, 50 Cent, T.I., Bobby Brown and, of course, Bret Michaels. There's almost enough cultural relevancy on that list to make Michaels seem important! Good try, VH1, but you can't fool us. 

Behind the Music's return couldn't have hit VH1 at a better time. Of the channel's 21 regularly-scheduled shows, only four even remotely have to do with music. A full six are dating competition shows (four of which are called [Insert Name of Insufferable Pseudo-Celebrity] of Love). The time feels right for VH1 to revive a show that won't reduce your intellect to that of a Snack Pack.

The show's resurfacing got us thinking: While we've just been dying to hear more about former members of New Edition, what other episodes should VH1 crank out? And what would they look like?

1.  Bon Iver — Forty-five minutes of the hour-long episode show a silent, dimly-lit Justin Vernon sitting alone in a cabin, alternately scratching his beard and fiddling on an acoustic guitar, attempting to recreate the production of To Emma, Forever Ago.

2. Coldplay — "So I packed my bag with everything I needed—a few shirts, my keyboard and 11 copies of The Bends—and I headed to the city. I was going to start a band," goes a Chris Martin voiceover.

3. Neutral Milk Hotel — After spending months trying to track down Jeff Mangum, producers eventually give up, selling the show rights to CBS' Without a Trace.

4. Nine Inch Nails — From the video for "Closer" to the politics of With Teeth, producers have plenty to work with. Unfortunately, Trent Reznor insists on all interviews for the show being conducted through Twitter.

5. Fiery Furnaces — Matthew and Eleanor Friedburger decide the best way to tell their story is for them to turn the cameras on show producers, who read monologues written by the the duo and their grandmother, followed by 27 minutes of silence. Many call the show "an avant-garde work of pure brilliance."

Which new episodes, aside from Bobby Brown, obviously, do you want to see?

Related links:
News: VH1's Behind the Music to Make a Comeback
News: Why Is This Man Smiling? Beacuse He's Lil Wayne, and He Had a Pretty Decent 2008
Behind the Music: Blue Oyster Cult