Music  |  Features

Spam E-Mail or Bob Pollard Song?

October 23, 2009  |  2:16pm
Spam E-Mail or Bob Pollard Song?
Ever since solo artist and former Guided By Voices frontman Robert Pollard arrived in the late ’80s with GBV’s first album of note, Self-Inflicted Aerial Nostalgia, he’s been the undisputed king of arcane titles. So arcane, in fact, that they often resemble the non-sequitur gibberish of spam e-mails that advertise replica watches and male-enhancement pills.

Think you’re a true Pollard fan, or that you’re a little more astute than your average music aficionado? Then I dare you to take this quiz without the aid of Google, and see if you can determine which of the following are pulled directly from spam e-mails I received this year, and which are Bob Pollard songs. Good luck. You’re gonna need it.

1.  The Future is in Eggs

2. 14 Cheerleader Coldfront

3. Christian Sex Gifts for the Holiday

4. Jar of Cardinals

5. Perhaps Now the Vultures

6. Gay Zombie Hunter’s Dilemma

7. Tractor Rape Chain

8. The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory

9. Game of Pricks

10. My Valuable Hunting Knife

11. Off to the Kindergarten Valentine Party

12. Witchcraft and Idolatry

13. At Odds with Dr. Genesis

14. Postal Blowfish

15. A Few Stone Weapons and Marriage

16. Burning Flag Birthday Suit

17. The First Question I Asked Suicide

18. Lord of Overstock

19. Bright Paper Werewolves

20. Secret Passage Way in the Juniper Bushes

21. She Never Looks Like a Senator From Krypton on the Red Carpet

22. A Hive of Silvery Bees

23. Man Called Aerodynamics

24. Strumpet Eye

25. And They Went to Sea in a Sieve

26. The Brides Have Hit Glass

27. Your Darling Night Event

28. And My Unit Moves

29. Let’s Give a Hand to Springtime

30. Everywhere with Helicopter

31. Baby Hungry Weakness

32. Her Bridal Lace to Drink

33. Bacon Aspiration

34. Girls of Wild Strawberries

35. Subspace Biographies

36. Steeple of Knives

37. Showbiz Opera Walrus

38. A Peaceful Space and Some Needles

39. You Eat With Your Sunglasses On

40. All for Sex and Better Whiskey


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Answers: 1. P, 2. P, 3. S, 4. P, 5. P, 6. S, 7. P, 8. P, 9. P, 10. P, 11. S, 12. S, 13. P, 14. P, 15. S, 16. P, 17. S, 18. P, 19. P, 20. S, 21. S, 22. S, 23. P, 24. P, 25. S, 26. P, 27. S, 28. P, 29. S, 30. P, 31. S, 32. S, 33. S, 34. P, 35. P, 36. P, 37. P, 38. S, 39. S, 40. P

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