I Write Like Compares Big Boi, Sleigh Bells to Stephen King, Dan Brown

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Sure, we writerly types would all like to think we’re the next Nabokov or Hemingway. Luckily, I Write Like is here to fulfill all our unreasonable delusions! The website invites you to put in your finest literary work and, through a presumably-algorithmic analysis tool, tells you what great writer your work resembles. Of course, the Tumblr community promptly went and destroyed our precious egos by informing us that, according to I Write Like, Mel Gibson’s rants had airs of Chuck Palahniuk, LFO’s “Summer Girls” echoed Vonnegut and Justin Bieber’s “Baby” was in the tradition of James Joyce.

With that in mind, we decided to put our favorite artists to the test by entering excerpts of their lyrics. Bask in the glory of the results, and the next time you’re annoyed with your oh-so-trendy friend who hasn’t stopped gushing about Sleigh Bells for months, just remind them that according to SCIENCE!, they write like the dude who penned The Da Vinci Code.

Big Boi’s “Shutterbugg”

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Big Boi: “Now party people in the club / it’s time to cut a rug / and throw the deuce up in the sky just for the shutterbuggs / I’m double fisted and if you’re empty you can grab a cup / Boy stop, I’m just playing / Let me dap you up / Baby baby you’re in my system / baby baby, tell me you’re listening.”

Stephen King: “A stupid man is more prone to cabin fever just as he’s more prone to shoot someone over a card game or commit a spur-of-the-moment robbery. He gets bored. When the snow comes and there’s nothing to do but watch TV or play solitaire and cheat when he can’t get all the aces out. Nothing to do but bitch at his wife and nag at the kids and drink.” (from The Shining)

Sleigh Bells’ “Rill Rill”

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Sleigh Bells: “So this is it then? / You’re here to win friend / click click saddle up see you on the moon then / and all alone friend/pick up their phones then / ring ring call them up / tell them about the new trends.”

Dan Brown: “Langdon stared at the picture, his horror now laced with fear. The image was gruesome and profoundly strange, bringing with it an unsettling sense of deja vu. A little over a year ago, Langdon had received a photograph of a corpse and a similar request for help. Twenty-four hours later, he had almost lost his life inside Vatican City. This photo was entirely different, and yet something about the scenario felt disquietingly familiar.” (from The Da Vinci Code)

Mumford and Sons’ “Sigh No More”

I write like
Charles Dickens

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Mumford and Sons: “Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you/It will set you free / be more like the man you were made to be / There is a design/an alignment to cry / of my heart to see/the beauty of love as it was made to be.”

Charles Dickens: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it ws the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.” (from A Tale of Two Cities)

Stars’ “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead”

I write like
James Fenimore Cooper

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Stars: “God that was strange to see you again / introduced by a friend of a friend / smiled and said ‘Yes, I think we’ve met before’ / in that instant it started to pour / captured a taxi despite all the rain / we drove in silence across Pont Champlain / and all of the time you thought I was sad / I was trying to remember your name.”

James Fenimore Cooper: “His head was large; his shoulders narrow; his arms long and gangling; while his hands were small if not delicate. His legs and thighs were thin, nearly to emaciation, but of extraordinary length; and his knees would have been considered tremendous, had they not been outdone by the broader foundations on which this false superstructure of blended human orders was so profanely reared.” (from The Last of the Mohicans)

The Decemberists’ “The Hazards Of Love Pt. 1 (The Prettiest Whistles Won’t Wrestle the Thistles Undone)”

I write like
Vladimir Nabokov

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

The Decemberists: “She being full of charity, a credit to her sex / sought to right the fawn’s hind legs / when here her plans were vexed / the taiga shifted strange/the beast began to change / singing oh, the hazards of love!”

Vladimir Nabokov: “Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.” (from Lolita)

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