Fairy Tales: Past, Present and Perhaps The Future

Could 2011 be the year of the fairy tale? According to Screen Rant, Eleanor Tomlinson has signed on to be the princess in Jack the Giant Killer, Hollywood’s adaptation of “Jack and the Beanstalk” in which Jack breaks peace between giants and humans to rescue the princess. Ewan McGregor will play the giant killer.

Meanwhile, there has been news of late regarding a stop-motion Pinocchio from the mind of filmmaker Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth). With so many new versions of these classic tales being prepped for re-release, Paste offers our own fairy tale renditions.

“Snow White” – Recently, there has been talk around the town of a new Snow White heading to production. To be precise, three Snow Whites. Disney is developing Snow and the Seven to be set in British colonial China. Meanwhile, Relativity Media has just confirmed that Julia Roberts will be playing the evil queen in their 3D film The Brothers Grimm: Snow White. Charlize Theron and Viggo Mortenson have signed on to be part of Universal Studios’ rendition of the film, Snow White and the Huntsman, in which the huntsman takes Snow White off into the woods to kill her and then ends up training her so that she can have revenge on the queen. With so many versions on the table, we feel it would be a waste of time to create our own.

“Cinderella” – At Paste we believe in the independent woman. The adaptation starring Drew Barrymore was on the right track but just did not push the envelope far enough. Plus, it got rid of the magic. Not cool. Our proposal: Cinderella gets pushed around by her evil step-mother and stepsisters until one day she is pushed too far. With the help of her magical sidekick, together they get vengeance. Oh, and the prince, well he had married one of the loser stepsisters until Cinderella stole him away. A home-wrecker and a bad ass, she does what she wants.

“The Frog Prince” – Recently re-imagined by Disney as The Princess and the Frog and set in New Orleans, this classic tale was given a twist as voodoo and other elements were injected into the story. The story was cute, but if Paste was at the helm, there would be some sort of radioactive gooze added in. Think Ninja Turtles and “The Frog Prince”. Now you have romance, ooze and ass-kicking.

“Rapunzel” – Disney’s creation Tangled re-worked the classic tale and gave Rapunzel’s hair healing powers. All one had to do was sing to it to harness its power. As much as we like music, we are not fans of cheesy singing, so that would have to be the first thing to go. Secondly, we would make Rapunzel a ninja or secret agent. All of that hair should be used for its tactical advantages, not random healing powers.

“Red Riding Hood” – This cautionary tale will soon be released as a love triangle, swapping that regular old wolf for a werewolf. Interesting, but nothing new; these days it’s difficult to find a movie without a werewolf in it. Perhaps that red cape could be part of Red’s disguise. No longer an innocent little girl, this is a woman shopping out her wares (the color red does symbolize less than virtuous behavior) and tricking everyone she meets. Big Bad Woof could be her pimp, and she may finally be trying to get out from under his thumb. “Lil Red in the ’Hood”… it could be a documentary.

“Hansel and Gretel” – Two kids’ parents abandon them in the woods, then they happen upon a witch’s candy house, and she tries to cook and eat them. It’s hard to see how the envelope could be pushed further, but it seems a movie, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, is going into production soon, turning the tots into adults who are lean, mean, witch-fighting machines. The film is scheduled to be released in 2012. We reserve judgment until then, but so far it sounds pretty sweet.

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