The big questions have been answered, but that doesn’t mean Vince Gilligan tied up every loose end in the Breaking Bad series finale. For example, I’m as curious as everyone else whether Huell is still sitting in the hotel room, chewing on the carpet and trying to pretend everything’s cool when the maid stops by. But we’ll leave that one off for now, since it’s been pretty well-examined by the Internet. Even forgetting Huell, though, there are a number of lingering matters that need some sort of resolution. Let’s count them down in order of urgency.
10. Will Walt and Hank be buried side by side?
That would have to annoy Hank, right? I bet climbing weeds would grow from Walt’s plot and wrap themselves around Hank’s tombstone. They’d cover up certain letters, so that instead of “HANK SCHRADER, DEA AGENT” the name on the grave would read “HA R D GENT” it would be an object of fun for the local kids. They’d tweet it out and it would become a meme that mocked Hank in death.
9. Will Lydia actually die?
Let’s get scientific. National Geographic and the CDC released some crucial info about ricin poisoning in advance of last night’s finale, and the verdict on Lydia is a little cloudy. Symptoms of ricin poisoning, when ingested, occur six to 12 hours after the initial dosing, which means Lydia was right on track. But Walt spilled the beans on the phone, meaning she can now head to the doctor and try for some desperation treatment (one thing they try, apparently, is to flush the stomach with charcoal). There’s no antidote for ricin, but death isn’t a sure thing; sometimes the body can recover. And if Lydia does survive, that can only mean thing: REVENGE KILLING ON JESSE PINKMAN.
(Side question—her full name is Lydia Rodarte-Quayle, and I’m wondering…does this make her the second-most famous Quayle in history, after Dan? Or is she MORE famous than Dan Quayle now? Who is Dan Quayle, anyway?)
8. Marie’s definitely getting back into hardcore kleptomania, right?
In times of stress, we turn to our vices for some psychological relief. Personally, I meet even the most trivial bits of sadness and difficulty by eating an entire pizza and curling up into a ball for days at a time. But Marie loves to steal things, and whatever defenses she’s built for herself are going to come crashing down in a hurry. A few items that I believe she will steal in the next year: her therapist’s guitar, several boxes of Flynn’s cereal, and her husband’s dead body from the cold ground.
7. Will we get a Clovis & Old Joe spinoff?
Remember Clovis? Remember Old Joe? Couldn’t we use a junkyard drama to give us a trace amount of our Breaking Bad fix? Was this mostly just an excuse to write “Clovis & Old Joe”? Could I write the words “Clovis & Old Joe” over and over and feel pretty happy with myself? Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe Clovis & Old Joe the answer is yes.
6. Will Elliot start training so he becomes a black belt in butter knife combat?
The man looked awkward as hell holding that dull piece of silverware, and you know Gretchen is making some subtle comments about his masculinity now. He’s got to get his mojo back, and he’s got to do it the same way it was lost: With a butter knife. I think he’s got a chance to get very good, very fast, seeing as how very few fighters choose the butter knife as their primary weapon.
5. When will Flynn lose his virginity?
Oh come on, you all want to know. YOU ALL WANT TO KNOW. DON’T JUDGE ME. I say it happens pretty fast after he gets that nine milly. Probably on a yacht.
4. Does the sheer amount of money Walt gave Badger and Skinny Pete ensure their death?
I think the continued survival of Badger and Skinny Pete is largely dependent on the fact that they don’t have enough money to buy lethal doses of whichever drug they’re on at the moment. The cycle of poverty actually keeps them among the living, but Walt just upset that balance. Do these guys have the self-discipline to not spend it all right away on as much blue meth as they can get, and then do it all at once? I say no. It’s like how dogs will eat themselves to death if you give them endless food (or is that fish?). Just two more dead bodies we can attribute to the thoughtless Mr. White.
3. Will Skyler be a more focused and enthusiastic romantic partner in the future?
Let’s be honest—the straw that broke the camel’s back for Walt was the humiliating bedroom scene from the first season when Skyler multi-tasked with her free hand by checking an eBay auction. At that moment, Walt had to be thinking, “man, I better do something really badass really fast, or I am going to feel prettttttay low about myself.” It’s a little bit like Elliot’s butter knife situation, actually. Maybe Elliot is the next one to break bad. Anyway, Skyler needs to be careful about the events she sets in motion. The main thing is, make a choice: You either commit to eBay, or you commit to sex. Definitely don’t try to do both, and I’d be real careful about combining the two as well.
2. Who will Brock take revenge on now?
Almost everyone who was responsible for his misery is dead. Only Jesse remains, and Jesse at least tried be a positive influence in his life. The glares Brock reserved for Walt came to nothing. Can he go after Skyler? Not really; it makes only slightly more sense than a Jesse-revenge theme. But weirdly, it would be depriving Flynn and Holly of their mother the same way the thugs robbed him of his. Man, that’s super dark. I don’t like where my brain is going right now. Watch out for Brock, everyone! He’s like a slightly less creep version of Mad Men’s Glen, but with way more killing motive. I can also see him taking out Flynn on the yacht, and then Holly has to avenge her brother’s death, and it starts a Hatfield-McCoy type feud in the southwest. I could get behind that twist; perhaps another spin-off alert?
1. Will Jesse survive the drive away from the compound?
I am particularly worried about this. He was driving fast, and laughing/crying maniacally (I mean, look at the guy). Call me a nervous nellie, but whenever I see someone consumed by maniacal laughter and tears, my first thought is, “I hope they don’t operate a motor vehicle before this whole thing is resolved.” That’s especially true if they’ve just been liberated from drug slavery. I like to think Jesse pulled over after a few moments and gathered himself, rather than cackling like an insane person and either driving off a cliff or plowing into a police car. But I would’ve appreciated a closing scene where he was at home on his couch playing video games, and he looks directly at the camera and says, “now that’s what I call s a wild ride! Good thing I wasn’t….braking bad!” before winking and then shooting his fingers in the air like pistols as the credits roll.
