The new season of Game of Thrones doesn’t start until April 6, but HBO has done a nice job tiding us over since the end of last season with casting news and beers and video games and teaser footage and official trailers and NOW, as of yesterday, 15 new photos from the set.
And sure, we could just show you these photos, like a bunch of boring idiots, but I had a better idea. As you may know from my reviews with Josh Jackson, Paste is full of crazy fanboys who have watched every episode and read every book and have an intense love/hate relationship with George R.R. Martin. But there’s one among us, editor Tyler Kane, who has had no experience with either the show or the books. So my idea was that for each photo, he’d have to give me a one-line description, and I’d get to ask him one follow-up question.
I can’t tell if this is a way of shaming him for not having seen the shows, or shaming me for being a nerd and trying to shame him. Either way, here are the results:
Tyler’s Description: The male lead here is getting some feel-time in on this young redhead, comforting her over what appears to be a no-good meal.
Follow-up: On a scale of one to ten, how evil are his intentions toward her?
Response: I think he’s just trying to soften the blow of his own follow-up question here—”You gonna finish that?”
Tyler’s Description: Beardy here appears to be in shock at archery practice, marveling at the skill of our shooter on the left.
Follow-up: What would you name these two characters?
Response: “Sharpshooter” Ilse McGavin and William Gibbons
Tyler’s Description: This armored man looks like he’s tired, weary, maybe in a state of disbelief.
Follow-up: How do you think his face got burned?
Response: The only thing I know about Game of Thrones is that it probably wasn’t by a dragon.
Tyler’s Description: Our small comforter moves on to another target, although food isn’t present in this scene. Seems like a lot of people are upset in this Game of Thrones universe, Shane. Perhaps he’s the town therapist.
Follow-up: Do you think she’s A) An attendant to a royal, B) A prostitute, or C) A woman of humble means from across the narrow sea.
Response: Unless she got Pretty Woman‘d, it’s probably A.
Tyler’s Description: Hey! There she is again, attending to a…royal? They’re both irritated and staring at something off-screen. (Is that not the same woman?) (Note: It’s not.)
Follow-up: Explain the symbols on his shoulders.
Response: Those? They’re just patches for his favorite band, Th’ Sun Spirals. This is basically the medieval version of a late ‘80s jean jacket.
Tyler’s Description: Oh boy, another troubled couple in Game of Thrones paradise. Here, this young man is explaining himself for what is either infidelity or not putting down the toilet seat.
Follow-up: How do you think the public feels about their relationship?
Response: Probably not great, but they don’t know him like she knows him.
Tyler’s Description: Ahh, here’s that Downton Abbey/Game of Thrones crossover episode some guy at the bar was telling me about. Maggie Smith looks particularly troubled.
Follow-up: Where do you think the old lady is taking her?
Response: The old lady is taking her to the town therapist—they’re going to see what they can do about breaking down that cold stare in this troubling time.
Tyler’s Description: This dude, a warrior of some type from the heavy/leather armor, is looking off at some potential threat. He doesn’t look worried, though.
Follow-up: This is a new character to me, too, so: How likely is it, based on his cunning look, that he’s trying to assassinate the king of Answich?
Response: Very likely. He’s got the cool traits of a cold-hearted killer. Answich’s king (or earl?) is who he’s after.
Tyler’s Description: This fellow, who looks like he’s with his son, is going through a bag of something either rare or precious.
Follow-up: Do you think he wants his son to follow in his career footsteps?
Response: Judging by the way he is walking away (his son is taking after him here), no. Stay back, boy!
Tyler’s Description: Another devastated resident looks on in disbelief.
Follow-up: Would you say this guy is actually sensitive, or do you think he’s secretly kind of a bastard?
Response: He looks like Charlie from Girls, so he’s no doubt a sensitive bastard.
Tyler’s Description: The town’s malorkus appears to have climbed exactly one set of spiral stairs based on the forehead sweat.
Follow-up: I have nothing to add to this perfect description.
Response: Nailed it.
Tyler’s Description: Out of all of these pictures, this guy has the first smile I’ve seen the whole time—and a face that’s ripe for the punching.
Follow-up: Would you feel bad if I told you that you just made fun of a mentally disabled character?
Response: Yes. I should have never agreed to this.
(Author’s note: I almost feel bad for him on this one. Almost.)
Tyler’s Description: Possibly the babe-liest female of all takes a reflective moment outside, and we’re back to bummerville.
Follow-up: What would you say to cheer her up?
Response: Things always look better in the morning.
Tyler’s Description: Here she is again, and she can’t believe whatever the hell the person talking to her is saying.
Follow-up: The people in the lands she conquers call her “Mhysa.” What do you think that means?
Response: It’s just like a pet name. She’s so well-liked that whenever she goes off for trips, people are like “miss-ya!” The town drunk slurred it one time, and there you have it. Mhysa.
Tyler’s Description: Neatly trimmed beard, some classy duds and that gold pendant. This guy’s important, (and not staring woefully into the sunset)—he must be an outsider.
Follow-up: What do you think the pin on his jacket symbolizes?