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Kevin Smith Planning a Jesus vs. Mankind Action Film

January 2, 2014  |  11:15am
Kevin Smith Planning a Jesus vs. Mankind Action Film

Cinema Blend points out that director Kevin Smith, the mind behind Clerks and Chasing Amy and the transcendent Ben Affleck/J-Lo vehicle Jersey Girl, has already brainstormed his next film. I’d try to describe it, but I think it’s best to just use Smith’s own words from a recent Facebook post, which details how the idea came about from his ‘Smodcast’ (a classic bit of Smithian wordplay, making a portmanteau of “Smith” and “podcast”):

”[the film] concerns mankind teaming up with Hell to save existence from extinction at the hands of a Rapturing giant Jesus – which means the budget has to be LOW, because NOBODY’S gonna wanna make that movie.”

With our nation’s foremost religious icon starring as a ravaging villain? I can’t imagine why not! The film will be called Helena Handbag, for reasons that will become to clear to the hundreds of whiny ‘90s holdovers that eventually see it, and the really bad news is that because Smith is filming Clerks III in May (there was a Clerks II?), there’s no timetable on when HH will make it to theaters.

You can read Smith’s long Facebook post about the project, and his life, and his career, here. The brief summary is that he’s vowed to only make movies when he has a real “Kevin Smith” kind of idea (Jersey Girl, Zack & Miri, and Cop Out are examples of his not-unique-to-Kevin-Smith’s-brain films), and that Helena Handbag is the next in line.

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