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Bracket of the Week: Worst Movie Titles of 2013, Final Four

February 5, 2014  |  12:15pm
Bracket of the Week: Worst Movie Titles of 2013, Final Four

You made your voice heard in the opening round, and you sounded off in the Elite Eight, and now it’s time to ROCK THE VOTE in the Final Four. That’s right—we’re down to a fearsome foursome in the Bracket of the Week, and only four truly horrendous movie titles remain. Which one will emerge as the worst of all? That remains to be seen. Before we get there, let’s take a look at the Elite Eight Results.

(1) Rapture Palooza def. (8) Big Ass Spider, 63% – 37%

There was a point yesterday where I thought we might have an all-animal Final Four match-up between Big Ass Spider and Sharknado, but it appears I’ve vastly underestimated the popular appeal of Rapture Palooza. Which is shameful, because I was the one who made it a No. 1 seed. How could I? On the other hand, there may have been a huge surge of evangelical voters turning up to make sure the religious-themed title advanced. I have no proof of that, and I will admit that it seems unlikely since the Anna Kendrick comedy isn’t pro-evangelical in any way, but I don’t want to underestimate such a powerful voting bloc. Especially when the Spider Suffrage movement is still far, far away from its ultimate goal of spiders voting.

(13) Sharknado def. (12) Dead Man Down, 61% – 39%

For the second straight round, Sharknado has upended a higher seed in emphatic fashion. The cult favorite appears to be unstoppable, and frankly, the Las Vegas oddsmakers might even make it a favorite in the next round against Rapture Palooza. Whoever wins, it promises to be an epic contest between two films that have more in common than meets the eyes. After all, isn’t a tornado of sharks one of the main signs of the rapture? If not, they should edit the Book of Revelations to make it so.

(3) Dhoom: 3 def. (11) Money is the Master, 74% – 26%

For the second straight round, Dhoom: 3 wins its match-up by the highest margin in the whole tournament. There are two ways to read this. You could say that it appears unstoppable, and will roll to a championship. On the other hand, has Dhoom: 3 really played anyone yet? Money is the Master and Only God Forgives are relatively weak opponents by the standards of this bracket, and we have no idea how Dhoom will react when it’s truly tested. But believe this—the cupcake rounds are over. No more coasting, Dhoom: 3; it’s time show us what you’ve got.

(7) The Last Exorcism: Part II def. (2) Vikingdom, 59% – 41%

Weird irony defeats stupid wordplay! Always great to see. The Last Exorcism: Part II is just such a funny group of words that it truly deserved a place in the Final Four. You have to wonder if the filmmakers ever had the thought of, “crap, the title of our film really doesn’t work with a sequel.” I bet they did, and were like, “screw it, let’s roll.” I wish they did this with other movies, like “The Last Emperor, For Real This Time,” or “The Last of the Mohicans: Turns Out, There Were More Mohicans.”

Here’s how the updated bracket looks. Click to enlarge in a new window:

WorstMovieTitles_3.jpg

 

So our Final Four is set: Raptures vs. Sharks and the Battle of the Stupid Numbers. Now it’s up to you to send the winner through to the final. Vote now, tell your friends, and campaign tirelessly for your favorite. Keep in mind, of course, that you’re voting for the worst movie title—the greater of two evils. And check back tomorrow for the championship match.

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