Modesty, calorie counting and possibly-pretentious strives for sophistication can often lead to disappointingly dainty dessert sizes around the Big Apple. Fortunately, these twelve magnificent New York desserts ditch dollhouse sizes, aiming instead to rival Lady Lib with towering layers of cream and supersized cookie crusts. Most of these monsters are made for one person, but we advise taking a partner-in-crime to divide and conquer.
Caramel & Cinnamon Honey Bread – “>Caffe Bene
Just one look at this Korean concoction and you’ll know you’re in trouble. Sweet honey bread the size of Texas toast times two is topped with a mountain of cream, drizzled with caramel, and sprinkled with cinnamon. Try fitting this whole thing in your mouth without a forklift.
Giant Fortune Cookie – Tao
Place your bets, because your fortune is about to be supersized. This boat-like fortune cookie practically guarantees that your year will be sweet. Filled with dark chocolate and white mousse, coated with chocolate and almonds, surrounded by fresh fruit, and containing a wisecracking fortune, Tao’s got the kitschiest dessert in town.
Brownie Sundae – Butter & Scotch
At Butter & Scotch, three is a magical number. Their warm brownie is triple-chocolate, and they top it with three scoops of Blue Marble vanilla ice cream. Hot fudge, whipped cream and caramel sauce are lovingly ladled on top, and because enough is never enough, this decadent parade float of a dessert is showered with a ticker-tape party of toffee bits and cherries.
Double Chocolate Cookie – Levain Bakery
Levain is known for its massive cookies, but this one adds more chocolate to chocolate. Since a fist-sized super dark French chocolate cookie wasn’t enough, semi-sweet chocolate pieces are mixed in. Try to finish this, and don’t feel so bad when you fail that you can’t get one to go.
Doughnut Sundae – Dun-Well Doughnuts
There were doughnuts, and then there were sundaes. But then they had babies, and much to our delight, we got twice the dessert. The Dun-Well version is no-holds barred, served in a sundae dish with your choice of doughnut, two choices of ice cream, whipped cream, nuts, sprinkles and a cherry on top.
Ice Cream Sandwich – Coolhaus
Instead of making the ice cream fit the sandwich, how about making the sandwich fit the ice cream? Koolhaus doesn’t smush ice cream, but instead gently cradles it in an adoring cookie hug. Wafels & Dinges has a similar deal with waffles, if you want breakfast.
The Golden Opulence Sundae – Serendipity
Though its size may be average, this price tag is supersized. For $1,000, this sundae has earned the right to be desired by equally opulent character Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock. The important thing here is not the Tahitian vanilla ice cream, of course, but the edible gold leaf and gold sprinkles on top that give it its fancypants coloring. Rare chocolates are used for the syrup and chocolate chunks, and a side of seemingly irrelevant dessert caviar is sweetened by Armagnac. Gold-covered almonds are sprinkled on the plate that the sundae sits on, as if a golden goose had accidentally laid its eggs there. It is indeed very pretty, but go only if your wallet has recently been supersized by the Powerball jackpot.
Mauboussin Mega Sundae – Bagatelle
Inspired by the notoriety of the Golden Opulence, no doubt, Bagatelle has its own brilliant sundae. Macarons and chocolate truffles are topped with ice cream, Dom Perignon rose sorbet with gold leaves, whipped cream and chocolate vodka sauce, and the whole shebang is decorated with gold-leafed brownies and macarons. I never knew gold rings or brownies could be toppings, but now I do. Sans Kimye’s budget or tendencies, however, I’ll be making my own version with Ring Pops.
The Triple Threat and The Care Bear Stare – “>Macaron Parlour
Between the Care Bear Stare and the Triple Threat, dessert diners will have a hard time picking between these thick-as-Nicki-Minaj ice cream sandwiches at Macaron Parlour. The Care Bear Stare featuring a candy-colored swirl shell and salted caramel ice cream, while the Triple Threat has a plain shell, vanilla ice cream, chocolate fudge and caramel sauce. All signs point to you making a tower of alternating leaning Tower of Pisa of Care Bear Stares and Triple Threats to topple and devour.
Max’s Famous Chocolate Mess Party for Two – Max Brenner
This mess is made for two, or maybe three. Warm mud cake is buried under three scoops of vanilla ice cream, piles of whipped cream, toffee and chocolate chunks. As if that weren’t enough, bless this mess by adding the bananas, strawberries and Choco-pops it’s served with.
Kitchen Sink Sundae – Bubby’s High Line
If Serendipity’s sundae was the entree, Bubby’s High Line $100 Kitchen Sink Sundae should be a nice nightcap. Its 16 scoops of strawberry, vanilla, chocolate and mint chocolate chip ice cream are just garnished with a few casual toppings … you know, the usual whipped cream, cherries, rainbow sprinkles, toasted marshmallow, various syrups, graham crackers, gingersnaps, chocolate chip cookies, peanuts, pecans, pretzels and candied citrus peel.
Sumo and Moby-Sized Rice Pudding – Rice to Riches
Rice to Riches doesn’t want your skinny bitches, or so its signs proclaim. And its sizes for rice pudding would indicate that you should eat rice pudding for every meal. A Sumo is 40 ounces and serves five people, and a Moby is 80 ounces and serves 10 people. Flavors include Sex Drugs and Rocky Road, Man-Made Mascarpone, French Toast, and Oreogasm.