Today we’ve been engaged in a coversation about Wilco lyrics. One of the cool things about working for a music magazine is that such discussions are completely work-related. In the process of editing a review of the band’s latest, we’ve been in an email dialogue with one of our reviewers about the relative worth of seemingly willfully obscurantist lyrics like “I am an American aquarium drinker / I assasin down the avenue” (from “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart.")
Then, on a complete tangent (and here’s the part that’s non-productive, which is why I’m blogging to get rid of it) we turned to the line that’s a total nonsequitur, though a quite memorable one: “Take off your Band-Aid / ‘cause I don’t believe in touchdowns.” This turned into an exercise of trying to write equally absurd nonsequiturs that fit the line’s exact syllables. Here are a few of the better ones:
“Drop your pants because I fly a Boeing aircraft”
“Throw up your sushi ‘cause there’s injuns on the warpath”
“Filet a possum ‘cause Claire Danes is a bad actress”
“Punch a drunk ostrich ‘cause the president is snoring”
“Dig up your grandma ‘cause the scurvy dogs are briny”
“Untie your laces in the big kosher blanket”
“Xerox your hard hat ‘cause I’m a dub-conscious souljah”
“Undress your children ‘cause I hate professional wrestling” (only works if you say “profess’nal")
“I’ve got a Thermos and the Northern Lights are blinkin’ / What was I thinkin’ when I polished her shoe?”
How about you? Got any good ones?
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"Get back to work now ‘cause we’re on a friggin’ deadline / Oh wait that’s got too much meaning for this”
AHHahaha. I sang every one of those in my head. Good stuff.
"Play your Sudoku ‘cause there are pirates in our midst”
Yarrrgh!