Consumer Electronics Show 2008 (Day 1)

The first day of the Consumer Electronics Show was a miserable failure. Meaning: I didn’t find a single futuristic device in the Las Vegas Convention Center designed to alleviate the pain of sore, overwalked feet. Though I did discover a company called D-Box that just debuted a $15,000 hydraulic gaming chair. The contraption accurately simulates the experience of driving a formula-one racecar, which means running off the track into rough dirt turns the device into an expensive massage chair. The publicist working at the booth told me that they were “catering to high-end gamers” (maybe just filthy-rich gamers who also happen to be high). If I had enough money to buy a $15,000 hydraulic chair that only has one game designed for it, I’d probably just buy a real formula-one car and, oh, maybe a fully-paved racetrack to go with it. Maybe I’m just bitter because I’ve never been on MTV cribs. When I checked D-Box’s website, it appears that they’ve also devised Motion Code systems that cater to the movie-watching experience. When Harry Potter hops on a broomstick and goes swooping up into the air, the D-Box armchair shudders and vibrates like it’s about to lift off the ground and go soaring around your private, state-of-the-art movie-screening room. Screw the racecar. I want to experience that.

I really liked the MyVu personal media-viewing glasses. They look like a mix between Ray Bans and those virtual-reality goggles you’d see in movies during the late ‘90s. When you put them on, they simulate the experience of watching your favorite videos on a giant plasma-screen TV. I stopped by their booth and played a bit of Guitar Hero III while wearing the glasses. It was pretty cool, although it begs the question: if you have to be plugged into the console anyway, why wouldn’t you just watch the real TV that’s inevitably going to sitting (or hanging) a foot or so away? The coolest use for these glasses is obviously long plane/car/subway rides. MyVu glasses are compatible with all the newest video iPods. Even the “widescreen” viewing capabilities of the iPhone and iPod touch don’t compare to the simulation of watching a film on a giant plasma LCD through your MyVu frames.

When you watch recaps of CES on the evening news, you only see cool, eye-popping gadgets like MyVu. What you don’t see are the interminable booths showing boring items like memory sticks and USB cables. There was one booth for an electronics distribution company that just had shelves with various run-of-the-mill electronic goods. The big attraction was apparently a Nintendo Wii on display that didn’t even work properly. It wasn’t registering the movements of the Wiimote. Hmmm...next!

At the Real Networks booth, Paste editor Josh Jackson and myself got pulled up onstage to take part in a music/film trivia gameshow in front of a live audience. I figured the odds of one of us winning were pretty good since our only other competition was a guy who builds websites for community colleges. Well, we lost. And you can’t begin to understand our shame. I felt like I should to not only resign from my editorial post but also commit ritualistic suicide like a samurai falling on his sword once he’d lost his honor. My excuse is that the blonde Madonna wig I had on was cutting off circulation to the part of my brain that remembers in which year MTV aired its first video. Each contestant had to wear a different embarrassing outfit and I was the Material Girl circa 1987, fishnet glove and all. You’ll have to talk to Josh to find out his excuse. I think he’d been complaining of a headache earlier in the afternoon so that probably had some effect on his performance. Actually, no excuses. We just hate gameshows! We don’t have time for them! Even when we’re featured in them! They’re a waste of time! We’d give anything to have just one more chance.

To drown out the self-recriminations banging around my head, I dropped by the Shure booth and tried out their ultra-high-end SE530 earbuds, which retail for approximately $450. I can’t even begin to describe how good The Killers’ “When You Were Young” sounded in my ears during those few, precious minutes. I could hear every single nuance in the mix, perfectly crystal clear. Like the song had been melted down to its purest liquid essence and just poured down my ear canal, absorbed directly into the pleasure center of brain.

My goal for today: find the booth distributing $450 cash prizes. As long as you don’t have to triumph in a gameshow to be eligible.