Who doesn't love a good ole inappropriate response every once in a while? I sure do! And rather than out in public-- where busting out laughing over a stranger tripping on the sidewalk or bawling at the sight of a dad playing with his little kids in the park elicits, at best, disapproving stares-- I find that the cool, still darkness of movie theaters are some of the best places to work out my awkwardly misplaced emotions. Among friends and family, my tendency to cry during movies at completely unexpected moments is well-noted. My tear ducts have remained steadfastly dry during many films widely noted for their weep-worthiness: As the Titanic sank and Rose lost Jack to the abyss of the North Atlantic, I was preoccupied with the special effects-- and yeah, I guess The Notebook (see above) was pretty sad, but what really broke my heart was that all of Rachel McAdams' dresses would never be my own.
Instead, I find myself sobbing at the weirdest of times, often during
movies about which one would be hard-pressed to detect on single
legitimately sad thing. Here are my top five most inexplicable moments
of being tear-jerked. What are yours?
Deep Impact
This is the only film on this list to make me cry even though I've never actually seen it. Oh yes, that's right. I cried during the trailer. I just can't handle asteroid-induced apocalypse, even in thirty-second installments. It didn't help that I thought Elijah Wood was kind of cute at the time, which made it all even more tragic. These days, I find him more annoying than cute-- in fact, I now might be less likely to see this movie because he's in it than because of the earth-exploding asteroid. Oh wait, no. That asteroid's enough.
Finding Nemo
I also can't do unceremonious parent-and-child-separation, apparently. No really, once I cried after misplacing my mom at Toys R Us. I was fourteen. Even when it happens to CGI fish, I'm a goner. By the end of this movie, right before little Nemo gets swept up in the Gulf Stream by the adorable hippie stoner turtles, I was weeping. Weeping! To add insult to injury, the friends I'd come to the theater with thought I was joking and started to fake-cry along with me. Mention Finding Nemo to these girls today and they will still point out that I wept. Wept!
Kill Bill: Vol. 1
Having survived Pulp Fiction on a tiny dorm room TV a few months before, it never occurred to me that I couldn't handle Tarantino on the big screen. I cringed through the opening credits, but my nerves were so raw by the time Uma Thurman slew Vivica A. Fox (I don't even remember their character names) with one knife-toss to the cereal box-- in front of her daughter, no less-- I pretty much lost it. Actually, "pretty much lost it" is about as accurate as saying this movie is "kinda bloody"-- in truth, I totally flipped my shit. Less than twenty minutes in, I was out. I forced my boyfriend to leave the theater with me, proceed to have somewhat of a nervous breakdown out in my car, and have never once entertained the idea of taking a peep at what I missed.
Superbad
Largely inexplicable, as this film involves neither asteroids nor children being separated by their parents by deep-sea fishermen and/or sudden Tarantinian death. While I choked up a little at Seth and Evan's sleeping-bag cuddle-fest, things definitely got a little blurry as the two parted ways at the mall, and as Seth cast one last forlorn look back at Evan as he and Jules rolled down the escalator, well, let's just say the escalator wasn't the only thing rolling. So were the tears. The tears down my face. The tears! Down my face! I At the end of the movie that contained the line "Someone perioded on my fucking leg!" Don't ask. I still can't explain.
Juno
A lot of people cried during this movie, but how many cried the second time around during the opening credits? And only during the opening credits? And not because Rainn Wilson's whole "that's one doodle that can't be undid" bit was just that painful to watch? Oh yeah, that's right. Just yours truly, homeskillet.
[Last week on Rhymes With Five: Short songs for a busy day]
Deep Impact
This is the only film on this list to make me cry even though I've never actually seen it. Oh yes, that's right. I cried during the trailer. I just can't handle asteroid-induced apocalypse, even in thirty-second installments. It didn't help that I thought Elijah Wood was kind of cute at the time, which made it all even more tragic. These days, I find him more annoying than cute-- in fact, I now might be less likely to see this movie because he's in it than because of the earth-exploding asteroid. Oh wait, no. That asteroid's enough.
Finding Nemo
I also can't do unceremonious parent-and-child-separation, apparently. No really, once I cried after misplacing my mom at Toys R Us. I was fourteen. Even when it happens to CGI fish, I'm a goner. By the end of this movie, right before little Nemo gets swept up in the Gulf Stream by the adorable hippie stoner turtles, I was weeping. Weeping! To add insult to injury, the friends I'd come to the theater with thought I was joking and started to fake-cry along with me. Mention Finding Nemo to these girls today and they will still point out that I wept. Wept!
Kill Bill: Vol. 1
Having survived Pulp Fiction on a tiny dorm room TV a few months before, it never occurred to me that I couldn't handle Tarantino on the big screen. I cringed through the opening credits, but my nerves were so raw by the time Uma Thurman slew Vivica A. Fox (I don't even remember their character names) with one knife-toss to the cereal box-- in front of her daughter, no less-- I pretty much lost it. Actually, "pretty much lost it" is about as accurate as saying this movie is "kinda bloody"-- in truth, I totally flipped my shit. Less than twenty minutes in, I was out. I forced my boyfriend to leave the theater with me, proceed to have somewhat of a nervous breakdown out in my car, and have never once entertained the idea of taking a peep at what I missed.
Superbad
Largely inexplicable, as this film involves neither asteroids nor children being separated by their parents by deep-sea fishermen and/or sudden Tarantinian death. While I choked up a little at Seth and Evan's sleeping-bag cuddle-fest, things definitely got a little blurry as the two parted ways at the mall, and as Seth cast one last forlorn look back at Evan as he and Jules rolled down the escalator, well, let's just say the escalator wasn't the only thing rolling. So were the tears. The tears down my face. The tears! Down my face! I At the end of the movie that contained the line "Someone perioded on my fucking leg!" Don't ask. I still can't explain.
Juno
A lot of people cried during this movie, but how many cried the second time around during the opening credits? And only during the opening credits? And not because Rainn Wilson's whole "that's one doodle that can't be undid" bit was just that painful to watch? Oh yeah, that's right. Just yours truly, homeskillet.
[Last week on Rhymes With Five: Short songs for a busy day]
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