Rhymes With Five: Most confusing moments of the 60th Emmy Awards

photo from Emmys.tv

I watched last night's Emmy Awards ceremony while unpacking from a weekend out of town, and only then because there were no Law & Order SVU re-runs on. (It's another story for another day, but man, I love unpacking in the company of Benson and Stabler, et al. Something about that particular brand of completely predictable yet oh so compelling melodrama really helps one unwind from a long drive and focus the mind on eliminating that strange stale/rotten smell that cropped up over the long weekend.) Occasionally, something would rise above the droning mess of forced jokes and awkward teleprompter readings to puncture my haze of dirty-laundry sorting and houseplant watering. Mostly these things were not really worth noticing in the first place-- like Howie Mandel's introduction of Steve Martin, which I thought was building up to some roasty punchline but never did, probably much to Martin's dismay. A few things incited within me actual emotion, however. And this emotion was confusion.

I share with you now a sampling of my thought processes during the my moments of greatest bewilderment, consternation, perplexity, etc. during the 60th Emmy Awards. I'm sure you had some, too, so please share.

1. Wait, there's no Outstanding Achievement In Gloriously Prologned Awkwardness award for The Office's "The Dinner Party" episode?

2. Wait, what exactly do you have to do to be qualified to present an Emmy Award, and how exactly did Lauren Conrad from The Hills do that?

3. Wait, I knew that Stephen Colbert is taller than Jon Stewart-- why does this always shock me?

4. Wait, Daniel Day Lewis directed Recount?

5. Wait, Josh Groban is funny?

[Last time on Rhymes with Five: Spam worth reading]