20. You must know Arsenio Billingham
Tracy needs $100,000, and Jack explains how a certain washed-up celebrity friend of his was able to make some quick cash. It leads to this brilliantly silly exchange (Tracy's replies in italics): "Look, Tracy, I can't just give you money. But what I can do is show you how you can earn all the money you need. You must know Arsenio." "Hall or Billingham?"
"You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?" "No." (Season 1, "The Rural Juror")
19. Do not cross a Sugarbaker woman
Liz gets called the nastiest four-letter word, and deals with it in the only way she knows how: by yelling at her staff with a Designing Women
quote. "I will fire you! And you will never
alter drapes in Atlanta again—because you do not cross a Sugarbaker woman!"
Then, she tearfully adds: "I'm so tired." (Season 1, "The 'C' Word")
18. The aftermath of Kenneth's party
Neither T.I. or Fall Out Boy made an appearance at Kenneth's party. In fact, the actual party never really made an appearance. Instead, we are treated to short flashbacks at an emergency meeting the next day that reveal the full extent of the drunken debauchery that went down. Kenneth says: "Y’all should be ashamed of yourselves.
Mr. Lutz, you ate all of my parakeet's medication.
And thanks to you, Sonny Crocket’s been having seizures all morning.
Mr. Hornberger, I would thank you to come pick up your wife at some point.
, I saw you steal my sink.
Harlem Globetrotter, does that name mean nothing to you?
And Ms. Lemon, I’ll have you know that before last night I had never ever seen Grizz or Dot Com cry." What happens at Kenneth's party, stays at Kenneth's party. (Season 2, "Greenzo")
17. Jefferson movie trailer
Academy Award watcher Tracy Jordan plays multiple roles in the greatest historical epic of our time: Jefferson
. In a world without hope, this minute-and-a-half trailer gives us plenty. In the words of our inspirational third president, "eat that, King George!" (Season 1, "Corporate Crush")
16. Kenneth looks on the bright side of life
Kenneth is a gold mine for hopelessly naive bits of advice, but this explanation on why he's always so chipper takes the cake: "My mother always told me that, even when things seem bad, there's
someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee, or
getting a splinter, or being chained to a wall in someone's sex dungeon." (Season 1, "The Baby Show")
15. The stabbing robot
The only thing really to say about Tracy Jordan's bizarre appearance on Conan O'Brien is that it very nearly matches the wackiness of Tracy Morgan himself
on David Letterman. (Season 1, "Tracy Does Conan")14. Never steal Liz's sandwich
Nobody likes to have things stolen, least of all Liz. The wrath she unleashes after finding her sandwich missing is enough to keep a person up at night. (Season 2, "Sandwich Day")13. Her "muffin top" is all that
Everyone knows the most delicious part of the muffin is the top (heck, Seinfeld
dedicated an entire episode
to that fact). Jenna serenades about whole grains and running a tidy bakery over some slamming techno beats and seductive moaning. No wonder it was a #1 hit in Israel. (Season 1, "Jack-tor") 12. M.I.L.F. Island: 20 M.I.L.F.s, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules
NBC's faux-reality show M.I.L.F. Island
("the craziest night of television in your life") is a Survivor
meets Temptation Island
rip-off that sends the hot moms home with one simple phrase: "We no longer want to hit that." Jack forms a particular obsession with the strong-willed contestant named Debor
ah. "That Debor
ah is amazing," he says. "
Have you heard her story?
Before she was cast on M.I.L.F Island
, she was just a struggling actress living in L.A." (Season 2, "M.I.L.F. Island")
11. Tracy explains affirmative action
In the show's fledgling first episode, Tracy gets all metaphorical on us: "Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in
competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject
AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That's a metaphor!" (Season 1, "Pilot")