Top 20 new band names, per the first 2008 Presidential debate

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By the time we got around to watching last Friday's debate between Presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama, we were more than a little loopy (thanks, ACL). Our feet were weary, our voices shot and our lungs full of dust, but our inner Dave Barrys were on fire: Despite the gravity of the issues at hand, all we could hear coming from the mouths of these two very powerful and important men were band names.

Goofy band names. Awesome band names. Names of bands we want to own all the albums by. Names of bands whose fans we want to make fun of at the mall food court. Band names. The fate of our country is kinda-sorta-maybe hanging in the balance with this election, and all we could think of during this debate was band names!

Of the 80 or so we jotted down, here are our top 20, complete with imagined genres and career predictions, in the order they appeared in the debate (embedded above, if you haven't seen it yet). And please note that these are all taken verbatim from phrases uttered by both McCain and Obama; we just capitalized as needed.

And hey, we had so much fun the first time, we're doing it again: Check back tomorrow for the bounty of band names gleaned from tonight's Vice Presidential debate.

Golden Parachutes
Easy, breezy indie pop; probably a bunch of Columbia grads.
Before This Crisis
Hot Topic rock at its finest!
Bears in Montana
Hirsute, disposable fake-folk (not bears, not from Montana).
I WIll Make Them Famous, You Will Know Their Names
A big proggy-drone mess that will eventually wise up and drop the first half of their name, but not the 20-minute distortion-pedal solos.
The Bottom Up
Coors-soaked, townie bar cover band; wait til you hear their transition from "Hotel California" to "Brown Eyed Girl"!
See That Light
The world's only hipster gospel ensemble. God! Robes! How kitschy!
It Was Festooned
Incomprehensibly popular blog darlings, lots of toy piano and 80s glasses.
All Due Respect
Schlocky dude-bro college rock, formed specifically to maximize chances of all members gettin' some.
New Electricity
Like the Back Street Boys. On meth.
Extraordinary Sacrifice
Christian rock so bad, it'll make your youth pastor blush.
Snatch Defeat
Probably involves eyeliner. On dudes.
Jaws Of Victory
Seven former Marines, three guitars, 100% patriot metal!
A Handful of Tribes
Surprisingly adept Brooklyn glockenspeil- and melodica-tinged neo-tropicalia duo.
Not In Vain
Overblown alternative rock band fronted by a corset-hugged, raven-haired chick who pens lyrics destined to be quoted on the MySpace pages of fourteen year old girls with daddy issues for all eternity.
Existential Threat
The first hardcore punk band to claim Martin Heidegger as its spiritual leader.
Killing Young Americans
Scotland's most recent batch of cardigan-clad, heart-on-sleeve, uber-twee lads and lasses.
Game Changer
The Midwest's latest, greatest soul-patched white rapper. True to his name, he's got just as many tracks about how he loves his mama as how he wants to kill her.
Countries Like Russia
Glammed out synth-pop ensemble that serves as constant reminder that the only thing scarier than than the Cold War in the 80s were those Flock of Seagulls hairdos.
Nixon's Trip to China
An emo-pop band with grating melodies but clever lyrics; will break up after first album, reform as "Nixon" for former lead singer's solo outing, be hailed briefly but intensely as "new Dylan" and then quietly slide back into obscurity.
The Root Cause
A left-leaning hip-hop trio, will probably try to rhyme "universal healthcare" with "alternative energy" at some point to mixed result.