Published at 2:30 AM on December 4, 2008

By Steve LaBate

Current Events: When Pirates Attack - Paste counts down the Top 20 Best Pirate Songs not appearing in a Disney movie or theme-park ride

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4.The Island: Come and See / The Landlord's Daughter / You'll Not Feel the Drowning" - The Decemberists
This suite from the nautically obsessed Colin Meloy and company, is a three-part maritime murder ballad, and includes the chilling stanza, "I will dress your eyelids / With dimes upon your eyes / Laying close to water / Green your grave will rise."

The Island - The Decemberists

3. "A Pirate Looks at 40" - Jimmy Buffett
I don't care what anybody says, though he might be milkin' the parrot for all it's worth these days, once upon a time Jimmy Buffett was an amazing songwriter, and his '70s work is still grossly underappreciated by snobby music critics who don't like him simply because, once a year, their senior-citizen parents don Hawaiian shirts, head out with Buffett tickets in hand, get high-school drunk during the parking-lot pre-game and then, 45 minutes later, pass out in a pile of their own vomit on the lawn of their local amphitheater. So Buffet's not "cool" anymore. Who cares. "Don't Stop Believin'" isn't cool, either, but that doesn't stop irony-obsessed wankers from pretending to like Journey. So why shun Buffett? All that said, "A Pirate Looks at 40" is gorgeously simple, its wizened lyrics at once precise, profound and down-to-earth. This is Buffett's masterwork. 

A Pirate Looks At 40 - Jimmy Buffett

2. "I'm Shipping up to Boston" - Dropkick Murphys
This powerhouse chantey by Celtic punkers the Dropkick Murphys—about a pirate frantically searching for lost his wooden leg, so he can ship out already—kicks more ass than a boatful of pistol-and-saber wielding buccaneers, and it does so with about a dozen words. How's that for economy of language?

Im Shipping Up To Boston - Dropkick Murphys

1. "She Made My Heart Walk the Plank" - Attractive Eighties Women
Not all writers would have the balls to put a song by their own band at the top of a list like this. No, most would be more modest. But, seriously, if John Lennon wrote an article for Rolling Stone, would you expect him not to mention The Beatles? I mean, c'mon, this is legendary Atlanta awesome-core band Attractive Eighties Women we're talking about here, and "She Made My Heart Walk the Plank" is, unequivocally, the most undeniably badass song ever written about the scourge of the seven seas (and I ain't talkin' 'bout Blackbeard no more!). As for all you doubters? The proof is in the pirate-punk pudding. And we hope you choke on it. Now, walk the plank! R! R R R!

Walk the Plank - Attractive Eighties Women

If you couldn't get enough of this Pirate-y awesomeness, I also recommend the entire catalog of Captain Dan & the Scurvy Crew. (Pirate rap!)

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