Oh crap, this song's about...!: Confessions of musical oblivion

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[Above: Jellyfish, those sneaky bastards.]

A recent conversation with Paste web editor Austin about power pop in general and Jellyfish in particular led me to make a perhaps ill-advised admission: After years of listening to Spilt Milk, it was only recently that I paid any real attention to the lyrics of "He's My Best Friend." Oy. I don't know how many total hours of my life have been spent singing along to that album (mostly alone in the car, thankfully) and I don't know why it took me so long to, um, ahem, grasp the true meaning of the song, but here I am, Internet, telling you all about the many years I spent accidentally belting out chorus after chorus about what well may be Jon Brion's penis.

Also, this morning, John Prine's "Sam Stone" was suddenly running through my head. My dad is a big Prine fan so I listened to him a lot growing up, but it'd been a while since I heard the song all the way through. I remember always liking it-- it's a sweet, reassuring melody, nice acousitc guitar, reminds me of casette tapes and sitting in the back of my parents' van on long car rides-- but mostly I just wanted it out of my brain, so I looked it up online. And it was only then that I realized, Oh crap, this song's about a morphine-addicted, PTSD-addled, disenfranchised Vietnam veteran!

I mean, far be it from any seven-year-old to grasp stark metaphors like "there's a hole in Daddy's arm where the money goes," but damn, I thought he meant it was like a piggybank or something! I mean, really, the mental image that still lingers from my childbrain is that of a wooden arm with a hole bored in it and dollar bills peeking out of the hole. If only morphine addiction was so whimsical, right?

But I know I'm not alone. Whether you like it or not, I bet you've got a similar confession of musical oblivion to make. So do it: Own up to it or go anonymous, but either way, leave yours in the comments (and I'll do my best to keep this playlist updated with your songs of shame). You'll feel better, I promise. I already do.

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By Austin L. Ray on December 11, 2008

This isn't exactly the same thing, but I distinctly remember a moment riding in the pick-up truck with my dad. I was young, but not too young to understand what The Who's "Squeeze Box" was about. He must've been zoning out, because we got about halfway into the song before he realized what we were listening to, got this embarrassed look on his face, changed the radio station and mumbled something about how the song was inappropriate. Young Austin gazed out the window and stifled a giggle.

By Sara Miller on December 11, 2008

George Michael was on regular rotation in the Miller household for many moons in the late '80s, and being a devout little Catholic, my favorite song from Faith was—I thought—about a helpful priest guiding a young (wo)man through some hard times. Then I heard "Father Figure" again in high school and realized "I will be your preacher teacher" was a metaphor. For SEXING.

By DM on December 11, 2008

Earlier this year, I lost interest in one of my (former) favorite power pop songs---"Pulling Mussels (from the Shell)" by Squeeze---when I learned, while trying to finally learn the lyrics, that the song is about cunnilingus. Thanks guys, just what I want to be singing about in front of my daughter!

By Lil' Butt Thug on December 12, 2008

When I was a young child, I loved (and still do love) the song "Southern Man" by Neil Young. I'm sure I probably walked around singing it sometimes in elementary school. However, until some time in high school, I was completely oblivious to the intense anger in the song and its references to southern poverty and to the legacy of slavery.

I think that actually fits into a larger scheme of angry/depressing/dark songs with really heavy subject matter that I just thought of as catchy, fun sing-alongs. When Nirvana's In Utero was making older kids think about killing themselves, it was making me want to dance.

By Anna on December 12, 2008

I made my first mix CD in tenth grade, themed towards Valentine's Day. I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and I wanted it to be sweet and cute, accessible to friends old and new. I gave it out to about 15 people.
Track 9 was "Star Me Kitten," from REM's "Automatic For the People." The song was so slow that I'd never paid much attention to the lyrics... until a few months after I handed the CD out.

Nothing like asking a whole bunch of people to "Fuck me, kitten."

By katy on December 13, 2008

Oh man, I have this moment waaaay too often.

Most recently was listening to the new Britney Spears album (I know! I know, but you have to support the girl repping Kentwood, LA!) Anyway, the third single "If U See Amy" has this line in the chorus "But all of the boys and all of the girls are beggin' to, If U Seek Amy" which when you read it makes very little sense, but when you SING it on the top of your lungs stuck in traffic on North Druid Hills on the way to work it comes out as "But all of the boys and all of the girls are beggin' to, F-U-C-K me"

When this dawned on me, I was, as mentioned in traffic and the only thing that really consoled me is the vague hope that when the writers of the song pitched it to Britney, that they had to spell it out for her too.

Another one that really got me was the Rolling Stones "Brown Sugar." I think I figured this song out too early, like age 13 and it has always haunted me because really, wasn't the slave trade bad enough?! Do we really need a song about the sexual rape and weird slave hierarchy that went along with this institution? What REALLY creeps me out is when I think of Mick Jagger singing "Im no schoolboy but I know what I like, You should have heard me just around midnight." Ugghhh.

By Meghan on December 16, 2008

When I was about 14, when Aqua was still a big deal for middle schoolers everywhere, my friend kept trying to explain to me that the song "Candy Man" was about blow jobs and "Roses Are Red" was about sex. I totally refused to believe him and insisted they were just about true love, or at least making out. Now when I listen to these songs, I am embarrassed by my past naivete.

By Cindy on December 16, 2008

I remember how long it took me to convince my twin sister that "Brick" by Ben Folds Five was about abortion.

"...but, I... But, it's about a guy who's DROWNING!"

"...the drowning is metaphorical. Just like how the girlfriend he is singing about isn't really a literal brick. She's a person. Dragging him down. With her dead baby."

"....."

By taylor on January 2, 2009

So this isn't as awkward as any of that, but man, I felt like an idiot the day I realized that "Penelope" by Pinback was about a goldfish. >_