I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good: The Six Degrees of Harry Bacon

I am trying to be patient, but when it comes to waiting for the final Harry Potter book, I’m as anxious as a third year pacing in front of the gates to Hogsmeade, daydreaming of bursting into Honeyduke’s Sweetshop and pawing at the Chocolate Frogs, Fizzing Whizzbees, Liquorice Wands, and Droobles Best Blowing Gum. I’d even settle for the Shrieking Shack or Knockturn Alley rather than be at work. Oh no. Ashley is most aggrieved. Ashley must iron her hands...

For those of you, watching your clocks, counting down the seconds, and experiencing a feeling rather like running your head into an unresponsive Platform 9 ¾, distract yourself with this quite comprehensive conglomerate of kooky connections between your Harry Potter favorites and the ubiquitous Kevin Bacon. More interlaced than the entire Floo Network, more exciting than Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, and more telling than any of the Sorting Hat's songs, this list is not to be missed—besides it took a few great minds (many O.W.L.s to Caren, Kasia, and Tim) and the tiniest bit of great wizardry to compile. You could track down The Daily Prophet’s Potter-report on it, but who trusts that Rita Skeeter anyway?

The losers-- those best not invited to the Kevin Bacon Quiditch Spectacular: Emma Watson (Hermione), Tom Felton (Draco), Bonnie Wright (Ginny), Harry Melling (Dudley), Mathew Lewis (Neville), Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood), and the Phelps brothers (Fred + George).

The Winners of the House Cup, footloosing their way to the top of the pitch:

John Cleese was in The Big Picture (1989) with Kevin Bacon

John Cleese was in A Fish Called Wanda (1988) with Kevin Kline --> Kevin Kline was in Crossroads (2002)with Leigh Hill --> Leigh Hill was in Last Goodbye (2004) with John Fitzgerald Page --> John Fitzgerald Page was in Beauty Shop (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Maggie Smith was in Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (2002) with Sandra Bullock was in Loverboy (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Maggie Smith was in Ladies in Lavender (2004) with Judi Dench --> Judi Dench was in Shakespeare in Love (1998) with Colin Firth --> Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Alan Rickman was in Mesmer (1994) with David Hemblem --> David Hemblem was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Alan Rickman was in Love Actually (2003) with Colin Firth --> Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Ralph Fiennes was in Schindler’s List (1993) with Liam Neeson --> Liam Neeson was in Love Actually (2003) with Colin Firth --> Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Ralph Fiennes was in Schindler’s List (1993) with Liam Neeson --> Liam Neeson was in Batman Begins (2005) with Sarah Wateridge --> Sarah Wateridge was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Ralph Fiennes was in The English Patient (1996) with Colin Firth --> Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Rupert Grint was in Driving Lessons (2006) with Laura Linney --> Laura Linney was in Mystic River (2003) with Kevin Bacon

Daniel Radcliffe was in The Tailor of Panama (2001) with David Hayman --> David Hayman was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Daniel Radcliffe was in Extras (TV/2005) with Ricky Gervais --> Ricky Gervais was in For Your Consideration (2006) with Ari Graynor --> Ari Graynor was in Mystic River (2003) with Kevin Bacon

Daniel Radcliffe was in Extras (TV/2005) with Ricky Gervais --> Ricky Gervais was in Night at the Museum (2006) with Ben Stiller --> Ben Stiller was in Meet the Parents (2000) with Robert DeNiro --> Robert DeNiro was in Sleepers (1996) with Kevin Bacon

Gary Oldman was in Murder in the First (1995) with Kevin Bacon

Emma Thompson was in Love Actually (2003) / Nanny McPhee (2005) / Sense and Sensibility (1995) with Colin Firth --> Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Timothy Spall was in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004) with Jim Carey --> Jim Carey was in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) with Courtney Cox --> Courtney Cox appeared on Friends (TV/1994) with Sean Penn --> Sean Penn was in Mystic River (2003) with Kevin Bacon

Timothy Spall was in Crusoe (1989) with Oliver Platt --> Oliver Platt was in Loverboy (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Richard Harris was in Highpoint (1982) with Maury Chaykin --> Maury Chaykin was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Helena Bonham Carter was in Novocaine (2003) with Kevin Bacon

Robert Pattison was in Vanity Fair (2004) with Jonathan Rhys Meyers --> Jonathan Rhys Meyers was in Telling Lies in America (1997) with Kevin Bacon

Jason Isaacs was in The Tag (2001) with Djimon Hounsou --> Djimon Hounsou was in Beauty Shop (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Fiona Shaw was in Catch and Release (2006) with Gabriella Rose --> Gabriella Rose was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Richard Griffiths was in Funny Bones (1995) with Oliver Platt --> Oliver Platt was in Loverboy (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Brendan Gleeson was in My Life So Far (1999) with Colin Firth --> Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

David Thewlis was in The Omen (2006) with Vee Vimolmal --> Vee Vimolmal was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Timothy Bateson was in The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999) with Dustin Hoffman --> Dustin Hoffman was in Sleepers (1996) with Kevin Bacon

Chris Rankin was in Mysteries of Pittsburg (2007) with Mena Suvari --> Mena Suvari was in Beauty Shop (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Michael Gambon was in Being Julia (2004) with Maury Chaykin --> Maury Chaykin was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Imelda Staunton was in Nanny McPhee (2005) with Colin Firth --> Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Robbie Coltrane was in Where the Heart Is (1990) with Maury Chaykin --> Maury Chaykin was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Warwick Davis was in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (2005) with Mos Def was in The Woodsman (2004) with Kevin Bacon

Julie Walters was in Driving Lessons (2006) with Laura Linney was in Mystic River (2003) with Kevin Bacon

David Bradley was in The King is Alive (2000) with Jennifer Jason Leigh was in In the Cut (2003) with Kevin Bacon