By Julia Reidy; Photos by Mary Robbins
As a national music magazine, we receive approximately 1.4 quillion promotional CDs each year in the office. For the most part, the dozens of bubble mailers that arrive every day keep it short and sweet. Inside, we find a CD, a one-sheet band bio (with release date and contact info, please!!! Keep Paste‘s interns happy!), and very little else. It’s true that after hundreds, these mostly start to appear the same, and that occasionally, adding something gimmicky does catch our eye. Like when a band sent a 3-D performance photo and a pair of two-toned glasses to go along with it. That was neat. Or when someone included a bunch of miniature plastic games with their record. We were trying to get that little yellow ball on its string into the hole in the blue plastic paddle for the rest of the day. Or stickers. We like stickers. Anything else, largely, gets thrown out. That’s just how it is.
For especially embarrassing press photos and other bizarre paraphernalia, we have created an informal wall of shame. The most shameful thing to arrive in an unassuming brown envelope, however, could be mounted to no wall.
It was a Thursday. We were sifting through our bins of unopened mail, and I spotted an oddly-shaped package at the top of one heap. Intrigued, I ripped it open, and as always, stuck my hand in. Forgive the reference, but as they say in Titanic, at this point, all my experience was working against me. Months of bubble mailer opening had taught me that it’s safe to just reach in and pull out whatever is inside—and moreover, that whatever is inside will be clean and safe and dry. My mistake. My fingers found not the run-of-the-mill CD and random attention-getting object I had learned to expect from an unusually-proportioned press kit. Instead, an unfamiliar half-rancid, half-zesty odor assaulted my nostrils and I reflexively pulled my hand back out again. It was wet. There were flecks of gold on my fingers.
We were bewildered and without conclusion as we crowded around and peered inside the offending envelope. None of the sensory clues added up to anything any of us could identify. It’s a strange feeling when you think you should have enough input to at least hazard a guess at the situation, and yet you’re still completely dumbfounded. There was no visual to be had from the open end except for the shadowy side of something mottled and bulbous that intermittently caught the light.
After I vigorously washed my hands, we sprang into action. A pair of scissors was procured, which we used to cut open the envelope and to handle the contents inside. When aforementioned contents were first revealed to us, however, we still couldn’t say what we were looking at. It was round-ish. And squished-ish. And green-ish. And there were gold flakes everywhere. Below nestled a very damp and forlorn slimline CD case and an absolutely soaked one-sheet. Extracting the CD, we turned it over.
The unlucky album was by a hip-hop group called Atmosphere, and boasted the optimistic title, When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold (out April 22 on Rhymesayers). We stared at it. The front cover sported a picture of Slug (Atmosphere’s MC and primary creative driving force) holding stacks and stacks of lemons.
Suddenly, it all came together in the same way all the facts add up at the end of a murder mystery. The citrus-cleaner smell. The juice. The fuzzy green substance. The gold flakes.
“IT’S A MOLDY LEMON!” someone shouted. Someone else shrieked, “Painted gold!”
Now wait a second before you berate us for having taken so long to work through this particular puzzle. It seems simple enough to an outsider, I imagine (especially as it revealed itself to be so literal in the end), but take into account the fact that in no way would we ever expect to receive spoiled produce in a press kit. In a perfect world, in fact, no one would ever mail gold-coated citrus fruit in an unprotected, non-refrigerated package from so far away that it would have the time and opportunity to crush, soak everything, and then completely mold. These weren’t eventualities we knew to expect. Our collective jaws were on the floor.
They say any publicity is good publicity. I guess the jury’s still out on this one.
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so gross, so awesome.
that’s a gigantic lemon. Sick.
on the plus side, this beat is hot
Dope beat, they are using the right side of their brain.
HAHA! That’s some funny stuff and it kinda serves you right. I know you all get lots of crap in the mail, but if you need freebies and gifts to consider reviewing music, you need to return to ethics of journalism 101. Bad journalists. Bad.
@shutter: i make it a principle to only review cds accompanied with goodies. don’t all journos?
hillarious… how was the cd?
!!!!APRIL 22ND!!!!!
hahaha yes. i love slug and ant. 612 represent. god damn that shits funny.
it clearly says “this is not the new atmosphere album”, no? funny all the same, but ya sound like liars…
it’s likely a promo disc with a handful of songs and/or snippets. trust me--this is real.
it’s a “when life gives you moldy lemons...” cd.
it’s just a retrospective of some old singles and other random songs that were thrown together. it is not the new album. haha.
paste got worked on this one.
When I record my demo, “Shit Happens”, you won’t believe your eyes when I send out my press packages..
This is the stupidest thing I have ever read. Don King certainly isn’t Rhmyesayers promoter is he. Wow, this is probably the lamest self-promotion attempt in history. Ant should be ashamed of himself for hanging around this group of high school dropouts.
^Topher is an idiot. You kind of sound like you have a vendetta against Ant, so maybe you know him personally in which case you know him better than I do, but Ant is the fucking man and Atmosphere will kill you. Ant doesn’t give a fuck about you. Atmosphere for life.
I ran into Slug during SXSW and was given a fresh, gold painted lemon with an Atmosphere pin stuck in it with the album release date on it. Its uniqueness made me laugh but I certainly remembered it unlike the stacks of flyers I received during that week. It’s actually brilliant marketing. On the upside, Atmosphere always puts out fab albums and LPs so I will be buying the new album for sure on April 22 when it’s released.
Wow, after all that and they didn’t even mention the music.
This is one of the funniest promotional ideas I have heard of (subliminal marketing?). It says “f*** you, buy me” all at once. This group of promo reviewers will never forget Atmosphere’s CD (APRIL 22nd btw), unlike all the others with shiny shrink-wrapped jewel cases and boring laminated biographies. I’d like to see a follow up review here when the album drops (did I mention APRIL 22nd), just to see what these folks have to say.
This album is gonna be ill. I pre-ordered a deluxe edition should be getting it sometime this week WOOT.
to everyone who thinks this is immature or a bad promo, know that atmosphere doesn’t even need to promote themselves anymore and they sent the lemon out of their own curiosity and ingenuity. I’ll bet they sent that shit out on april fools day, haha. anyways, rhymesayers has a link to this site on their page so I’m sure Ant and Sulg aren’t too embarassed
Sean Daley strikes again!!
This will do wonders, bro. Good work.
UnCut Video....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEZseJ1Wuq8
ha i love atmosphere. original to a fault. <3
you make shitty tasting lemonade??
HAHA, so ironic! I just can’t wait for the album to release everywhere though without the molded lemons :)
atmosphere is the greatest
there will be a review of the album up on the site in the next few weeks. stay tuned…
Slug pretty much makes music for girls now.
"Slug pretty much makes music for girls now."
I couldn't agree more. The early stuff like Overcast, Dynospec, Headshots, DPD were bangers, but he has long since fallen off. Now he does indeed make music for girls. Well, girls and whiney emo kids.
I'll give it to Sean though, he has mastered the art of marketing and promotion and making money off this ish. I'm sure he couldn't care less if he has abandoned his original fans for the emo kids and girls that listen to him now, he's still making a ton of cash.
"I'll give it to Sean though, he has mastered the art of marketing and promotion and making money off this ish"
I bet he's kicking himself for not signing to interscope now if that's all he cares about.
me on the other hand...i just think he's trying to get his music out there and not try to make money...he makes x amount from all rhymesayers artists anyhow...i think its more about exposure.