Marketing gal that I am, my job is to both protect and promote the Paste brand. But even after the 9 to 5, I love studying marketing… I find it all fascinating, especially with our ever-changing business and cultural landscapes. My most recent rock dream proves what a marketing geek I really am. And I’m not ashammed to admit it.
The dream—inspired by the Albert Hammond Jr. show at the Blender Bar for SXSW—goes like this…
I’m in a warehouse space, where lots of folding chairs are set-up. It feels like a Town Hall meeting. There is a podium and stage at the front of the room, too. Slowly people start filing in.
Our advertising sales director, Julian, walks up to me with our publisher, Tim, by his side.
“We’ve got some seats reserved over here,” Julian says, pointing to an empty row.
“For what?” I ask.
“For the auction. It’s about to start. Come on!”
We take our seats on the left side of the room. “What is the auction for?” I whisper to Tim.
“To buy Albert Hammond Jr.”
Completely befuddled by this, I ask Tim to explain what he means by “buy.”
“New Line Records is selling him as a mascot to the highest bidder—brilliant marketing idea.”
“You can’t sell a person,” I counter. “That’s slavery!”
“It’s no different than a date auction, if you think about it,” explains Julian. “Except we would own the rights to him.”
A auctioneer takes the stage, looking straight out of a county fair. Then AHJ steps up, looking straight out of bed. The bidding begins.
Julian and Tim and I pow-wow about what to do.
“It would be good for the Paste brand if we own a band,” says Julian.
“But this isn’t a band,” I argue, “it’s Albert Hammond Jr.”
“He’s part of The Strokes,” Tim reminds me.
“Yeah, but wouldn’t he be worth more with The Strokes?”
“But The Strokes aren’t for sale,” argues Julian.
Meanwhile the bids are getting larger and larger. Other magazines—Filter, Harp, Rolling Stone—are duking it out in the bidding war.
“We should hold out and see if The Strokes go up for sale,” I conclude. “It’d be better for us to own all five of The Strokes than just Albert Hammond Jr. And it’s very church-and-state between editorial and marketing… we couldn’t guarentee him coverage.”
Tim and Julian are reluctant… but I stand firm in my conviction. The bidding is about to close and we scramble to make a decision. But before we can come to that decision we hear --
“Sold! To Relix Magazine!”
Wes Orshoski, managing editor at Relix and contributing writer to Paste, goes up on stage and shakes hands with AHJ. The rocker doesn’t seem to care that his record label just sold him. Orshoski poses for a photo with the auctioneer and AHJ.
The Paste team exits the warehouse feeling a bit down. Maybe we should have bid... I think to myself. Too late now...
“And come back tomorrow for Regina Spektor!” the auctioneer yells after us.
“Well,” says Tim, “there’s always next time.”
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Your picture of the Auctioneer is Merv Hilpipre from Iowa. He is a World Champion Auctioneer. I just thought you might want to know.
LMAO.