A few years ago I attended a conference in Atlanta and was introduced to a young songwriter out of Nashville named Matt Wertz. He was fronting the house band for the conference. Wertz had just completed his first full length record and played some of his songs later that evening for about 75 folks in the hotel conference room. Over the next few years I saw him perform at a variety of small venues (often sold out) as his popularity grew.
Flash forward a few years to 2007 and I see Wertz’s name on the marquee of Variety Playhouse (capacity of appx 1,400). I didn’t catch the show, but I thought it was nice to see he went from humble beginnings to larger venues. Good for you, Matt.
It must have been on my mind, because I had a dream about the show earlier this week. Well, actually, it was a nightmare in which I started my musical “career” in the opposite manner. Bad idea.
In this nightmare, I am driving by Variety on my way to work, just like I do every waking day. I look up at the marquee to see a shocking sight:
CAREN KELLEHER
w/MATT WERTZ, NATHAN ANGELO
THIS FRIDAY!
I immediately call Variety’s main office. A woman answers the phone and tells me that the show was booked by longtime Paste friend and fantastic independent promoter, Alex Weiss, of OK Productions. I call Alex in a panic.
“Hey Caren, did you see the marquee?” he asks. “Cool, huh?”
“I can’t play a show, Alex! I don’t even play an instrument!”
“I thought you owned a guitar?” (true story)
“Yeah, but I don’t play very well!”
“Well, this is a great way to make your debut,” he argues.
“You’re not listening, I can’t play --”
“Okay, see you Friday~” Click.
Thinking this to be a cruel joke, I forget about my phone call with Alex and the marquee board with my name on it. Until Friday comes around and Alex calls again. He asks me to show up at 5:00pm for soundcheck.
I decide that there is no turning back. The show must go on. And I’ll need a backing band.
First I call Paste Music Editor, Jason Killingsworth, who has conquered Guitar Hero II on every level of difficulty and plays in a band, Music In the Glen. I ask Jason to help me by playing guitar at my show—“just look up some tabs online.” But Jason tells me I’m too late; he’s got a gig with Music In the Glen. I invite them to play, too, but Jason refuses.
Next I call Paste Associate Editor, Steve LaBate, also a solo artist and member of the much discussed Atlanta rock band, Attractive Eighties Women. But Steve and the AEW also have a gig and can’t play with me.
My last call is to Paste Editor-in-Chief, Josh Jackson, who plays a mean mandolin. Josh doesn’t pick up my phone call.
Panic sets in. I have horrible stagefright when it comes to performing and/or singing, though I can rock a Microsoft Powerpoint presentation. I arrive at soundcheck with my dusty Yamaha Pacifica in hand, and run into Matt Wertz. I ask him if he will help me by playing back-up.
“I’ll sing if you play guitar,” I offer.
“How come you are billed first if you can’t even play?” he asks.
“I don’t know, someone booked me?” Wertz walks off to tune his guitar without giving me his answer.
Atlanta’s own Nathan Angelo takes the stage first to a packed (mostly female) crowd. He plays some tunes on the keyboard and I think, Hmm, I can play the keyboard… maybe I should do that instead of guitar..... Wertz goes on next and the crowd cheers. I can hear their screams from downstairs in the Green Room, where I am now tuning my guitar. In a last ditch effort to save myself humiliation, I look up a few guitar tabs online—Brandi Carlile, The Weepies, Dave Matthews…
When Wertz gets off stage he is clearly exhausted and he collapses on a couch, throwing a towel on his head. I see that I will have to brave this one on my own.
Alex comes to get me and says it is time to go on. I take the stage and everyone looks confused and starts whispering and/or yelling. “Who is that?” “Do you know her?” “Play a song already!”
I slowly work my way through a basic song. My voice cracks when I try to sing. The crowd turns on me.
Alex leaps on stage to prevent rioting. “I’m sorry, everyone! I’m so sorry! Please see me for a full refund at the front door if you would like one!” There is a mass exodus from the venue. My career starts and ends in an instant.
----
Last night I went to 500 Songs for Kids, a charitable concert series where 500 artists perform Rolling Stone‘s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. Just seeing the stage gave me the chills and reminded me of my nightmare. I don’t know how you do it, Musicians of the World… I salute you for your bravery. Keep up the good work.
For Paste,
CK
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