Witness the Gifting

It’s not just filmmakers and fans in Park City this week. Celebrities have been dispatched in great numbers to surge into the town with gleaming teeth to promote their films. Or whatever else needs promoting.

As we wait for the opening night film, I’ll share one of the many “Media Alerts” (whoop! whoop!) that journalists have received:

[company name withheld] Sundance Gifting Villa

WHAT: In honor of the 2008 Sundance Film Festival, [withheld] Gifting Villa, the ultimate gifting and hospitality suite, will invite celebrities to indulge in gifts from the hottest fashion, lifestyle & electronic brands. 

Celebrity guests will enjoy hors d’oeuvres and Courvoisier cocktails while receiving products from [withheld] Men’s Fashions, [withheld] Women’s Fashions, EA Games, Skull Candy Headphones, Monster Cable, Creative Recreation, WheyUp, The Program, Casio G-Shock watches, Classic Foods Kettle Chips, and Port Media.

WHEN: [withheld]
WHERE: [withheld]

WHO: Kirsten Dunst, Sean Combs, Sharon Stone, Paris Hilton, Maroon 5, Hilary Swank, Naomi Watts, Quentin Tarantino, Adrian Grenier, Dennis Quaid, Meagan Goode, Ginnifer Goodwin, Virginia Madsen, KayCee Stroh, Marcia Gay Harden, Nick Stahl, Wes Bentley, Nick Cannon, Lukas Haas, David Boreanaz, Ellen Page, Chris Pine, Eliza Dushku, Taylor Kitsch, Eric Balfour, and many more.

Yes, I struck some important information from this alert, because if word got out about when and where you, even you, could watch Kirsten Dunst receive a case of Kettle Chips or could hear a Casio with Sharon Stone’s name on it beep twice at the top of the hour, imagine the madhouse that would ensue. Let no one say that I caused a stampede upon the gifting villa.

In these hours before the fest starts, without much to do, I sometimes stroll up Main Street and get the funny feeling that I’m looking at everyone I pass to see if it’s a famous person. And I get the funny feeling they’re looking at me the same way.

If I were quicker on my feet I’d know how to parlay this nanosecond of near-fame into a fabulous Monster Cable. But alas, just after I raise a finger and take a breath, I see each person look away with sudden disinterest. “He’s a nobody,” their faces say. Or “Just press,” if they get close enough to see my badge. And I go back to kicking this frozen piece of whatever up the sidewalk, unplugged, unwined, undined, in crunchy anticipation of movies movies movies.