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[Above: Samantha Baker's birthday ended happily in Sixteen Candles, but overall was a classic mess.]
Today is my birthday! Even though I plan on having a great day (The Everybodyfields last night, Of Montreal tonight, plus the church across the street from my apartment is having a huge yard sale today! I love yard sales!), I've had a few crappy birthdays in the past. But who hasn't? People who don't have birthdays, that's who. And those people are not alive people. So thank your lucky stars that you are an alive person having a birthday. Even if it's a crappy one, it's probably not as crappy as any of these, my Top 7 Worst Movie Birthdays Ever.
(Warning: If you haven't seen some of the movies on the list, the descriptions of the crappy birthdays therein may provide some spoiler information, so reader beware.)
Charlie's in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
The gift of a Wonka bar was a huge splurge for Charlie's dirt-poor family, but it was more than just a piece of candy: It was a chance for something better, something great, to happen in his life, and Grandpa Joe was sure there was a much-coveted Golden Ticket tucked inside. There wasn't, but Charlie pretended for a moment that there was, and the rapid shift from his family's utter jubilation to crushing disappointment as he quickly reveals the truth is heartbreaking-- and makes his eventual triumph that much more sweet. (Skip to 4:02 in the clip above to see that part.)


Charlie's birthday was the worst! I always get all teary-like when he opens the Wonka bar and therein lies nothing but a crummy chocolate bar. Cheer up, Charlie...
Uh, have you seen "AI"? Haley Joel Osment's character is named David, and he is always a robot -- he was never a version of Martin, played by a different actor.
Whoa, Chet, looks like you're right. I have seen the movie, but it was a while ago. Looks like I completely misremembered the characters. Sorry about that, thanks for the catch!