Seven Knockout Songs About Boxers

Decorated boxer Oscar De La Hoya retired on Tuesday, ending another chapter in the long saga of the sweet science. The announcement inspired us to create this playlist of songs about the art of beating the crap out of someone.

1. “Iron Mike’s Main Man’s Last Request,” by Todd Snider—For some reason, boxing songs are often written in character. In this one, Snider takes on the voice of a Tyson lackey (the dude who washes Tyson’s cars and carries the boombox in his entourage), and who refers to Iron Mike as “champ” and “little buddy,” and who’d really like to borrow $300. 

2. “I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson,” by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince—Another Tyson song, and a shot of nostalgia for everyone out there who remembers Will Smith’s career as a “rapper.” Even by the standards of old-school camp, the song (and, OMG, video) is astoundingly outdated. I’d forgotten about the part where Will’s grandma bets against him, and then Tyson hits him so hard that he soils himself.

3. “The Boxer,” by Simon and Garfunkel—The polar opposite of “I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson,” this understated folk classic has aged well, despite the weird echo-y production on the drum in the chorus. The finger-picked guitar and close-harmonied vocals create a real sense of intimacy. Great, wistful lyrics, too.

4. “Boxers,” by Morrissey—The song’s very first line (“Losing in front of your home crowd”) sets the tone for this open letter to a hapless fighter whose performance is such a disgrace that his wife flees the scene, and our narrator can barely watch. For more uncomfortable viewing, watch this video in which Morrissey sings “Boxers” while a parade of fans jump on stage to wrap their arms around him. 

5. “Boxing,” by Ben Folds Five—The last song on the band’s terrific debut is a ballad written in the voice of Muhammad Ali, addressing Howard Cosell. Its melancholy note of resignation may more closely fit the spirit of De La Hoya’s resignation than any other song on this list.

6. “Hurricane,” by Bob Dylan—By now, you’ve probably heard the song and/or seen the movie. So what can we add? How about this video, which—for those who think Dylan doesn’t speak English—comes with helpful subtitles. 

7. “The Hitter,” by Bruce Springsteen—We gather that this is a serious, well-written song about a lonely pugilist on the run. If only we had a subtitled video to be sure.