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I know, I know... this list could come back to bite me in the ass. But after the Bird Flu and all the other would-be pandemics of the last decade, I'm willing to take that chance.
The best way to sum up how I feel about the current Swine Flu hysteria is to quote the South Park SARS episode...
Randy: Stanley, listen to me. I have SARS. There's only a ninety-eight percent chance that I will live.
Stan: No, Dad. NO! ...
Randy: You... must find a cure for SARS, son. And save our people. ...
[Stan goes on a quest to find the cure for SARS]
Randy: Stanley. Did you have an inward journey with the old man? Did you have a vision??
Stan: Ah, I don't know if I did or not. I, I saw something, someone spoke to me and... told me the ... way to cure SARS... Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, Dayquil and Sprite.
After discussing the Swine Flu all day with my co-workers, I decided to create a whole list of imaginary Swine Flu bands. A big thanks goes out to my good friends Joey Piersante and Chris Armistead of comedy thinktank/song factory Black Vulture Studios, who came up with most of these names while I was on my way to meet them at a bar last night. To give them an idea of what I was looking for, I started them off over the phone with the proposed book title Swine Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Queasy. After that, they pretty much ran with it.
The
following collaborative list's entries fall into two
categories—parodies of existing artists and artists we totally made up;
artists who, if they were really here, we're certain could help us get
through this horrible crisis with our health and sanity intact...
Pork Sick & the Slaughter
Pork Sick & the Slaughter
Album: Exile on Pigmeat
Label: Bloodshot
For Fans of: Early Drive-By Truckers, Commander Cody, Mick Taylor-era Stones
Flu Reed
Album: White Light, White Meat
Label: Arena Rock Recording Co.
For Fans Of: Galaxie 500, Captain Beefheart, Ray-Ban Wayfarers
Swïne Bröötäl
Album: Pëärls Bëföre Swïne Flü
Label: Kreation
For Fans Of: Pig Destroyer, Motörhead, unnecessary umlauts
Elvis Preslinks
Album: It's Sow or Never
Label: IRS
For Fans of: Pylon, Dread Zeppelin, peanut butter 'n' banana sammiches
Virus
Album: Pork Yoda
Label: Ipecac
For Fans of: Ministry, Weird Al, the Mos Eisley Cantina Band
Flu's Company
Album: Just the Flu of Us
Label: Unsigned
For Fans of: Allanah Myles, Sade, Quiet Storm bands
Jimi Swinedrix
Album: Are You Inoculated?
Label: Arista
For Fans of: Andre 3000, Syd Barrett, Albert King
Captain Pigknuckle & the Epidemic
Album: Table For Flu
Label: Alive
For Fans of: King Khan & the Shrines, Dark Meat, Lasers, Vomit
Snortishead
Album: Sow-R-Times (Nobody Slops Me)
Label: Virgin
For Fans of: Sneaker Pimps, Massive Attack, Tricky, Cheap Trick
The Swine Floozies
Album: Bacon Blitz
Label: Kill Rock Stars
For Fans of: Bikini Kill, Sleater-Kinney, lesbian queercore, rioting
Barry White Meat
Album: Bacon Whoopee
Label: Hot Buttered Soul
For Fans of: Isaac Hayes, Van Morrison, makin' sweet love down by the fire
Mötley Flü
Album: Snout at the Devil
Label: Elektra
For Fans of: Poison, New York Dolls, bleach-blond hair, OD'ing on anti-retroviral drugs
Oinko Boinko
Album:Winnie the Flu & Piglet, too
Label: Walt Disney
For Fans of: Hannah Montana, Veggie Tales, Kidz Bop
Peter Hamton
Album: Do You Squeal Like We Do?
Label: A&M
For Fans of: Styx, REO Speedwagon, talkboxes
Bar-B-Flu
Album: Hickory Smoked & Virus Choked
Label: Blind Pig
For Fans of: R.L. Burnside, Otis Rush, slow-cooking
No Snout
Album: Tragic Pigdom
Label: Interscope
For Fans of: Sublime, Blondie, forgetting your punk roots
Pig Newton
Album: The Pig Is Up
Label: Vocalian
For Fans of: Dennis Polisky and the Maestro's Men, pork sausage, Gus Polinsky (Polka King of the Midwest)
Spyro Virus
Album: Catching the Bug
Label: Heads Up International
For Fans of: Weather Report, bass solos, jazz flute
Max Swineberg 6
Album: Swine's Up
Label: Pygmalion
For Fans of: the E Street shuffle, late-night house bands, losing a member to swine flu
Pigfluenza
Album: Porker Face
Label: Touch and Go
For Fans of: Melvins, Jesus Lizard, Kenny Rogers, knowin' when to fold 'em
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You forgot my favourite band of this decade: The Pork Spirit with their great album, Prime Cuts Across the Land
How's about this one?
Band: Porkana
Album: Smells like Lean Bacon
For fans of: Screaming Trees, Tool and Pixies
You left out my personal favorite! "APORKALYPSE" with their self-titled (for obvious reasons) album!
what about
Band: The Porkspring
Album: Ixnay on the Ig-Pay
Songs:Way Down the Trough and Don't Pig It Up
or
Album: Pigicana
Song: The Pigs Aren't Alright