The '60s & '70s Bands Rock Critics & Musicians Always Namecheck But That No One Else Really Ever Listens To 2009 Paste International Spelling Bee

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Hello everyone, and welcome [applause]. Please be seated. On behalf of Paste, I'd like to thank all of you in the audience, and—of course—our six contestants, for attending the finals of this year's '60s & '70s Bands That Rock Critics and Musicians Always Namecheck But That No One Else Ever Really Listens To Paste International Spelling Bee.

First, I'd like to clarify that a band's inclusion on this list does not mean we think people shouldn't listen to the band in question. In fact, in most cases, we feel many more people should listen to these bands. Nor do we intend to convey that these bands are not occasionally listened to by the rare non-critic/non-artist music afficionado. They are out there.

But, by including these bands in this year's list, we do recognize that—while their influence is felt intensely within certain circles, and while a devoted cult of critics and artists loudly champion them—the number of times they are are referenced in interviews and, especially, reviews is undeniably disproportionate to the interest of the average non-critic/non-artist music consumer. To state more simply: The general populace neither knows nor cares to know about these bands, outside of the lone breakthrough hit that's snuck its way onto classic-rock radio, yet those of us in the know could care less, and continue to babble about them because they're awesome and we can.

Ladies and gentlemen, let the bee... BEGIN!!!

ROUND ONE

Band Name: Big Star
Genre: Power-pop
Place of Origin: Memphis, Tenn.
Could You Use It in a Sentence Please?: The infectious melodies and jangling guitar chords of Big Star frontman Alex Chilton rang out from Ardent studios, cutting their way through the humid Southern night.

Contestant #1: Big Star... B-I-G, S-T-A-R... Big Star.
Judges: Very good, that's correct. [applause]

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Band Name: The Faces
Genre: No-modifier-necessary rock 'n' roll
Place of Origin: London
Could You Use It in a Sentence Please?: Man, The Faces were so much better when bassist Ronnie Lane was singing instead of that tool Rod Stewart.

Contestant #2: The Faces... T-H-E, F-A-C-E-S... The Faces.
Judges: That is correct [applause].

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Band Name: New York Dolls
Genre: Glam-punk
Place of Origin: New York
Could You Use It in a Sentence Please?: They don't play in drag anymore, but I caught the New York Dolls on their recent reunion tour and it was like seeing the Stones—if the Stones were still hungry, or even remotely gave a shit and were playing small clubs.

Contestant #3: New York Dolls... N-E-W, Y-A-W-K, D-O-L-L-Z... New York Dolls.
Judges: Sorry, that's incorrect.

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Band Name: Kraftwerk
Genre: Electro-kraut-rock
Place of Origin: Düsseldorf, Germany
Could You Use  It in a Sentence Please?: This innovative band's proto-electronica skittered undulating blips and bleeps atop a rigid, robotic synthesized beat, plus it's really funny in Hi-Fidelity when Jack Black's character starts a band and is trying to be all secretive about its obscure German influences, but John Cusack's character is totally like, whatever—"Kraftwerk, Falco, Hasselhoff."

Contestant #4: Kraftwerk... K-R-A-F-T-W-E-R-K... Kraftwerk.
Judges: Ja—that's German for "yes." As in, "Yes, you are correct." [applause]

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Band Name: Moby Grape
Genre: Psychedelic roots rock
Place of Origin: San Fransisco
Could You Use It in a Sentence Please?: Original Jefferson Airplane drummer Skip Spence switched back to his main instrument, guitar, when he formed Moby Grape, a band whose name was reportedly meant to answer a question only funny to people on a shit-ton of Owsley acid: "What's big and purple and lives in the ocean?"

Contestant #5: Moby Grape... D-O-B-I-E, G-R-A-Y... Moby Grape.
Judges: That's not just wrong, that's the worst answer I've ever heard in 15 years of judging spelling bees. Are you on psychedelic drugs? Security, please escort Contestant #5 out of the building.  

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Band Name: Captain Beefheart
Genre: Unknown
Place of Origin: California's Mojave Desert
Could You Use It in a Sentence Please?: Don't let Captain Beefheart (aka Don Van Vliet) and his rubber-band guitar riffs and possessed blues howling frighten you; his music is safe as milk.

Contestant #6: Captain Beefheart... C-A-P-T-A-I-N, B-E-E-F-H-E-A-R-T... Captain Beefheart.
Judges: That is correct, contestant #6 [applause]. 

ROUND TWO


Band Name: The Small Faces
Genre: Mod-pop
Place of Origin: London
Could You Use It in a Sentence Please?: The Small Faces were the precursor to The Faces, and even though their singer Steve Marriott was pretty cool, he once played the role of The Artful Dodger in the not-so-rockin' musical, Oliver!


Contestant #1: The Small Faces... T-H-E, S-M-A-L-L, F-A-C-E-S... The Small Faces.
Judges: Well done, #1. That is correct [applause].

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Band Name: Shuggie Otis
Genre: Psychedelic soul-funk
Place of Origin: Los Angeles
Could You Use Him in a Sentence Please?: Listening to Shuggie Otis' "Strawberry Letter 23"—which was famously covered by The Brothers Johnson—you can hear Otis' influence on latter-day Of Montreal, who even namedrop "Strawberry Letter 23" on their song "St. Exquisite's Confessions."

Contestant #2: Shuggie Otis... S-U-G-E, O-T-I-S... Shuggie Otis.
Judges: Sorry, that is incorrect. That's actually the spelling of Death Row Records co-founder Suge Knight's first name.

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Band Name: Mott the Hoople
Genre: Glam rock
Place of Origin: London
Could You Use It in a Sentence Please?: It was actually David Bowie who wrote Mott the Hoople's biggest hit, "All the Young Dudes," but frontman Ian Hunter still had some great tunes, which he delivered in a voice that sounded like a cross between the Thin White Duke and Bob Dylan.

Contestant #4: Mott the Hoople... M-O-T-T, T-H-E, H-O-O-P-L-E... Mott the Hoople.
Judges: Correct! [applause]

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Artist Name: Esquivel!
Genre: Space-age-bachelor-pad music
Place of Origin: Tampico, Mexico
Could You Use Him in a Sentence Please?: Nothing gets a party swingin' like Esquivel!, whose music is the aural equivalent of Googie architecture.

Contestant #6: Esquivel!... E-S-Q-U-I-V-E-L-Exclamation point... Esquivel!
Judges: Not sure exactly how you got the punctuation from our uninspired delivery, but congratulations, you are correct. [applause]