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Twenty Life Lessons Learned From New Super Mario Bros. Wii

January 7, 2010  |  7:00am
Twenty Life Lessons Learned From <em>New Super Mario Bros. Wii</em>

My husband and I got a Wii for Christmas (I know I know, you got one in 2008), and we’ve been playing Super Mario Bros. nonstop ever since. Andy is pretty skilled—he’s currently blowing through World Six. I, on the other hand, am a terrible player. I walk too slowly, get hit by cannonballs and jump into pits of fire. At least I’ve learned some valuable life tips from ol’ Mario and Luigi.

1. Never trust a flying turtle.

2. Make it a habit to bang your head against brick walls.
Sometimes money comes out.

3. When choosing between shooting fireballs and iceballs,
consider the climate.

4. Reincarnation is real.

5. You can walk on clouds.

6. Water, too.

7. If you have spare time, jump around aimlessly until free
stuff starts appearing.

8. Money grows on trees.

9. Why not just wear the same outfit every day?

10. Throw animals whenever you can.

11. Unless they’re big enough for you to ride on them.

12. Climbing inside cannons isn’t dangerous at all.

13. Jumping directly on top of a flagpole is worth the pain.

14. Exercise isn’t gonna shrink your fat belly.

15. Brown mushrooms: bad.

16. Colorful mushrooms: great.

17. Money buys happiness.

18. If you get stuck, call your smarter and more patient
little brother.

19. Every good man should be willing to put his life on hold
for a princess.

20. A plumber can accomplish great things.

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