Thomas Function's Top Five Tour Moments of the Last Year and Change

Don’t know if you’ve heard, but Thomas Function, a damn fine rock ‘n’ roll threepiece from Alabama, is about to go on tour. These dudes tend to do that a lot, touring. So much so, in fact, that when we gave the guys, makers of our #25 album of 2009, an open invitation to craft a List of the Day of their choosing, the plucky road warriors decided to write about some of their most memorable tour moments of the last year or so. Lead singer/guitarist Josh Macero, take it away!

Hello Americans,

My name is Josh, and I happen to be in a band some like to call The Thomas Functions. We’ve been kicking around the western hemisphere for a few years now, and Paste wanted me/us to share with you a very cohesive and well-thought-out list of our choosing. With that sort of elbow room, the mind tends to wander. I could write about the dangers to the eco-system, the genocide in Darfur, H1N1, or I could throw a curve ball and fuck your brain with a few reasons why Knots Landing should be revised for a major motion picture, but none of those seem too topical anymore. Instead! I’m going to give you the five most memorable touring moments from the last year and change.

1. Koln, Germany. I watched Zach do shots of his own urine. He was pretty sober at that point, and not many people noticed, so I’m not too sure why he went through with it. He later stated that it tasted better than the liquor shots they where feeding us.

2. Portland, Oregon. Philip may or may not have snorted a lot cat of tranquilizer before wobbling down to the breakfast buffet to fall asleep face first in his omelet. Sadly, that was one of the smoother moments during the garage/drug fest.

3. I, Josh (your humbled author), decided to fall off of a five-meter bridge in Strasbourg, France. I think I had a concussion. It’s a bit hazy. Philip and Zach jumped off after me, which was just silly on their parts.

4. Listening to Kathy Bates narrate Silence of the Lambs twice in a row between the drive from New York to Ohio. Meanwhile, Zach was threatening to throw a girl’s body off the interstate who had bravely asked us for a ride.

5. Mardi Gras 2009! Zach claimed to be possessed by demonic forces and was “lost in the ’60s,” and I boarded a battle ship. The rest of the band was not to be found. Andrew WK & Quintron ended up bringing everyone together by playing an amazing show that night. Oh, and we got to meet Kurt Russell.