Robots We'd Send To Stop The Oil Leak

List of the Day

Photo illustration by Michael Saba

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Last week, a robot collision derailed the otherwise-awesome cleanup effort in the Gulf of Mexico. This was shocking not only because everything else about the cleanup effort has gone so perfectly, but because the idea of sending robots a mile beneath the surface of the ocean to stop a gushing oil leak seems like such a can’t-miss proposition.

Anyway, we at Paste think it’s time to call in some reinforcements. So we hereby present a little something we call Thirteen Robots Who Couldn’t Possibly Ruin This Cleanup Effort Anymore Than Those Already Sent By The Great Minds At BP.

13. Voltron — He’s comprised of robot lions and—much like Neptune, god of the sea—he carries an incredibly huge sword-trident. Also, Voltron was originally known as the Defender of the Universe. For the time being, the Gulf of Mexico is still part of this universe.

12. Kilroy (Mr. Roboto) — “I’m not a robot without emotions / I’m not what you see / I’ve come to help you with your problems / so we can be free.” Time to put your money where your robo-mouth is, Kilroy.

11. RoboCop — Kanye West once said that he don’t need no RoboCop. Well, we do, and badly. If he can singlehandedly bring law and order to a futuristic dystopian Detroit, plugging BP’s oil leak should be peanuts.

10. Number 5 from Short Circuit — The $11 million military robot known as “#5,” described as “quite simply the most sophisticated robot on Earth,” is on the loose. We know he can mix a drink and spy on Ally Sheedy in the bathtub. What can he do about containment?

9. Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man — Participating in the relief effort would be the most useful thing this character has ever done.

8. Wall-E — If a catastrophic environmental disaster can be curtailed with sheer benevolence, Wall-E is our man.

7. Daft Punk — Robots, or Human After All? It doesn’t even matter at this point, they can be whatever they want if they’ll just dive down and plug that pipe. Preferably with one of those gigantic light-up pyramids they use during their stage shows. How badass of a music video would that be?