Nine Movie Pitches Based On Facebook Apps
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Hollywood seems bunk for movie ideas with reboots of recent franchises (Spider-Man), remakes of popular ‘80s movies and/or TV shows (The A-Team) and the release of yet another Twilight movie. Recently, rumors have circulated throughout the blogosphere that the money-making movie machine was developing a film based on popular Facebook application Mafia Wars (and why not, when there’s a forthcoming movie based on the social network itself?) Although The Hollywood Reporter proved these rumors to be false, we decided to save Hollywood some work and develop movies around some other popular Facebook apps. You’re welcome, suits!
The Movie: Marketplace
Director: Diablo Cody. Following Juno and Jennifer’s Body, this feels like an appropriately-varied selection for her directorial debut.
Starring: Katherine Heigl as Stacey, because not enough film reviews include the line “Katherine Heigl’s [character name] is down on her luck in love,” and Topher Grace as Jackson, because although he can be the physical embodiment of “affable nerd” (a la In Good Company, That 70’s Show, et al.), he’s clearly itching to show off his dark side (we all saw Spider-Man 3, right?).
Plot: Stacey has recently broken up with her boyfriend and must move into a new apartment. She lacks a personality and furniture, so she turns to Marketplace to help her solve one of those problems. Jackson is selling a bedroom set. When they meet, he’s charming, she’s neurotic, and awkward tension yields a montage of the couple laughing nervously while drinking coffee. Jackson gets increasingly shady until it is revealed that he is a serial killer that finds out where women live by selling them furniture.
Tagline: “Sometimes a bargain is not what you bargained for.”
The Movie: Stalker Check
Director: Christopher Nolan. Nobody does the sexy-broody thriller quite like Mr. Dark Knight.
Starring: Amanda Seyfried as Katie and Penn Badgley as Tyler, but any two generally nondescript, attactive twenty-somethings will do. The offbeat, always-likable Alia Shawkat would be a great Nico. And who better for a creepy, disgruntled villain than Christopher Walken?
Plot: In this high-tech psychological thriller, which takes place at a prestigious East Coast university, a mysterious entity is gaining highly secretive, highly scandalous information about some high-profile coeds through the school’s computer system and blackmailing its victims into becoming spies and carrying out a heinous crime spree…or else. After Katie’s roommate disappears, she and her BMOC boyfriend Tyler, along with her geeky lab partner Nico, team up to put an end to the madness. But then Tyler starts acting strange… can Katie hunt down the stalkers before becoming their prey? (Spoiler alert: The turns out to be a disgruntled former professor recently sacked for controversial research, taking out his revenge on the school).
Tagline: “Watch your back…because they might be watching you.”
The Movie: Farmville
Director: Wes Anderson, who wants to extend his reach into hazy Midwest Americana, because, really, why not?
Starring: Jason Schwartzman as Emmett, a small-time farmer who takes it upon himself to find a way to restore his crops but finds himself instead; George Clooney as Lionel, the off-kilter uncle who lives in Emmett’s shed and looks suspiciously like Clooney a la O Brother; Gwyneth Paltrow as a waifish middle-american single mother that Emmett encounters on his journey.
Plot: Emmett’s father was a farmer, and his grandfather, and his great-grandfather, and on and on and on, so it was natural for him to take up the farming mantel. Until one day, a mysterious plague infects all of his crops, leaving them brown and wilting and leaving Emmett completely broke. With nothing left to lose, Emmett sets out on the road across middle America with his uncle Lionel, a slightly useless and highly provocative man who lived in a shed on the family’s land, to become a migrant farmworker and try to figure out what happened to his own farm. Along the way, he learns all kinds of life lessons and falls in love and out of love a couple of times and seems entirely unaffected by it all.
Tagline: “Old McDonald had a farm…and then, suddenly, he didn’t.”