The 75 Best Twitter Accounts of 2012
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There are different kinds of exceptional when it comes to Twitter, from the perfectly crafted zingers of Tim Siedell to Arjun Basu’s short stories that says way more than 140 characters should be able to say. The comedians, actors, musicians and others on this list have mastered the art of brevity. The fake accounts are the rare ones who manage to go deeper than the simple joke of their existence. Some, like TweenHobo and NotTildaSwinton have become characters in their own right. And HumbleBrag has identified one of the medium’s most satire-worthy trends (and turned it into a book deal). Here are our 75 favorite Twitter Accounts of 2012.
50. Humblebrag – @Humblebrag
Twitter Bio: Email Humblebrag@gmail.com with any leads on any humblebrags. Do not send brags. (NOTE: Humblebrag re-tweets may be used in upcoming book out Sept 25th).Thanks!
Best Recent Tweet: RT melissaanelli Geniuses @amazon just recommended my own book to me. Already read this one, thanks guys!
Runner-Up: RT DamonLindelof My twitter feed: 38% : “You should write the new Star Wars!” 47% : “Don’t fucking touch the new Star Wars!” 15% : Undecided.
49. Colin Meloy (The Decemberists) – @ColinMeloy
And no reason / To talk about the books I read / But still I do.
Twitter Bio: singster/songstruner for the Decemberists, Orangina shill
Best Recent Tweet: New year’s resolution: monetize my cat.
Runner-Up: According to my son, classical music can be divided into two distinct themes: “traditional haunted castle motif” and “bustling spaceport.”
48. Disalmanac – @Disalmanac
Twitter Bio: The Disalmanac Book of Fact-Like Facts comes out in 2013 from Perigee. Disalmanac@gmail.com (no submissions). The @Disalmanacarian is Scott Bateman.
Best Recent Tweet: Today in 1843, Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” was first published. SPOILER: Scrooge can see dead people.
Runner-Up: SPOILER: The unexpected Journey in “The Hobbit” is “Open Arms” (everyone was expecting “Don’t Stop Believin’”).
47. Andy Richter – @andy_richter
Twitter Bio: actor/writer from Midwestern U.S., married to Sarah Thyre, father of two
Best Recent Tweet: I work with a bunch of squares! There’s no way my testicle-print cookies are NSFW – I’ve had a vasectomy, dummies!
Runner-Up: Just heard the John Denver version of “Blue Christmas.” Why didn’t it ever occur to us that he always sounded dead?
46. Andrew WK – @AndrewWK
Twitter Bio: THE PARTY KING. The partiest man alive. International rock ‘n’ rolling motivational speaking TV entertaining nightclub owner. PARTY HARD.
Best Recent Tweet: Had a crazy dream last night! There was no such thing as fun in the world and we had to invent partying from scratch!
Runner-Up: I’m feeling really good about you. I’m feeling really good about partying. Let’s kick ass today and feel good about life!!!
45. Nicholas Kristof – @NickKristof
Twitter Bio: New York Times columnist, two-time Pulitzer Prize winner, http://www.facebook.com/kristof
Best Recent Tweet: Now on plane, final stage of being deported from #Bahrain. Sorry I cldnt get in to report on human rights abuses.
Runner-Up: More Americans die from guns in 6 months than from 25 yrs of terrorism & Iraq, Afghan wars combined http://nyti.ms/U12J9D
44. TheTweetOfGod – @TheTweetOfGod
Twitter Bio: I’m your dope-ass divinity, trollin’ with My trinity, tossin’ mad tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin’ fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.
Best Recent Tweet: “This is the opening track on our first studio album since Peter Gabriel left the band.” Genesis 7:1.
Runner-Up: “Why are all the good ones either married, gay or the Son of God?” – Mary Magdalene.
43. Nic Cage Match – @NicCageMatch
Twitter Bio: I know why the Nic Caged bird sings.
the end of the line ¯\(ツ)/¯ · favstar.fm/users/NicCageM
Best Recent Tweet: “You have no idea what kind of pressure I’m under at work!” — deep sea diver
Runner-Up: It’s a shame you haven’t met my cat, my impression of him is so much funnier if you know him.
42. Karl Welzein – @DadBoner
Twitter Bio: Can’t wait for the weekend!
Best Recent Tweet: Where’d the Mayans get a “calendar” anway? The ancient mall? “It say on carved rock Corvette calendar that world end on Dec. 21, 2012!”
Runner-Up: Squirtin’ your whizz on another person’s property is the legal, safe way to get revenge. No need for violence like some no class animal.
41. TedX Fake – @TEDxFake
Twitter Bio: The Future of Tomorrow
Best Recent Tweet: Basic Human Compassion: A Pre-Ironic Primer for Post-Ironic People
Runner-Up: Malcolm Gladwell: Maybe Bears Don’t Shit In The Woods
40. Eric Alper – @ThatEricAlper
Twitter Bio: eOne Music PR. Billboard Mag’s 140 Best on Twitter. CTV’s Music Correspondent. Music news, daily contests, song/album streams, industry factoids.
Best Recent Tweet: “We are never ever ever getting back together.” – My split ends
Runner-Up: Here are 17 Leonard Cohen covers for you, free. I know, I’m your man. ow.ly/g9ZD2
39. Gerry Duggan – @GerryDuggan
Twitter Bio: Writer for hire. Have laptop will travel. Co-writer of @Marvel’s Deadpool Latest comic here: http://amzn.to/Mks4ER These tweets are my bad, not my employers.
Best Recent Tweet: If you guys can distract Mitch McConnell, I’ll try to slide a Ghostbuster trap under him.
Runner-Up: Nothing sends a more mixed message than a rape slide whistle.
38. (Not) Tilda Swinton – @NotTildaSwinton
Twitter Bio: A collection of universal energy. Mother of a bat, Theremiah Swinton. Created by @eliyudin and @ecareyo. http://nottildaswinton.tumblr.com
Best Recent Tweet: I bound my limbs, released myself to ocean tides. Trust brought me back to shore. I then coughed up a piece of bark; I am wearing it now.
Runner-Up: The sky has turned a pale yellow-sickly; I told this to the two-headed fox combing my hair. He agreed. My departure nears.
37. Alex Blagg – @alexblagg
Twitter Bio: Writer/Comedian/Producer/Internet Idiot
Best Recent Tweet: “Food photographer” is a very cool way of saying “human being with a functioning camera”.
Runner-Up: Remember what your parents taught you: if you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re a miserable piece of shit and Barry is your new dad.
36. Damon Lindelof – @damonlindelof
Twitter Bio: Yeah, I’m one of the idiots behind LOST. And no, I don’t understand it either.
Best Recent Tweet: Even Ebert?!? RT @FancyFeast 100% of reviewers recommend Gravy Lovers Chicken Feast on our site.
Runner-Up: Congratulations to my ass on its sag nomination.
35. Made-Up Stats – @madeupstats
Twitter Bio: Strengths: Stats. Weaknesses: Checking stuff
Best Recent Tweet: Terms and conditions are like religious texts – 0.1% of people read them, whilst 99.9% of people are willing to get mortally upset by them.
Runner-Up: Freudian slips affect one in sex people.
34. Eugene Mirman – @EugeneMirman
Twitter Bio: I am television’s Eugene Mirman. I am very nice and like seafood.
Best Recent Tweet: Bummed to discover that Fiscal Cliff is not simply a Rascal Flatts cover band, but something that might topple the economy.
Runner-Up: Ugh! Installed iTunes update before I realized new Terms & Conditions lets any Apple employee cup my balls wherever and whenever.
33. Josh Gondelman – @joshgondelman
Twitter Bio: Politely Hilarious. Hilariously Polite. Writer of postcards: http://www.allthebestjosh.tumblr.com
Best Recent Tweet: If your favorite movie is Boondock Saints, your favorite book is probably YouTube comments.
Runner-Up: Finally got the funding for my gym for crotchety aging Jewish women! World, get ready for Curves Your Enthusiasm.
32. Julieanne Smolinski – @BoobsRadley
Twitter Bio: Loves soup, and you.
Best Recent Tweet: On a bad date? Just leave a carrot, pipe, and some ice water on your chair when he’s in the bathroom. The brush off… or Christmas miracle?
Runner-Up: I only want to get just famous enough that a ceiling mural of me as a centaur wouldn’t be “weird.”
31. Josh Hara – @yoyoha
Twitter Bio: I’m just a boy, standing in front of the internet, asking it to love him.
Best Recent Tweet: If snarky tweets were worth money New York could have built a brand new coastline by now. #121212Concert
Runner-Up: Sometimes I weigh the pros and cons of having my receipt with me or in the bag to show the cashier that no one really gives a shit.
30. Steve Martin – @SteveMartinToGo
Twitter Bio: I am the actor?, writer?, comedian? and banjoista. You can find out about my shows at http://SteveMartin.com. A new CD with Edie Brickell will be out in April!
Best Recent Tweet: If the Man with Two Brains is ever remade, I hope they don’t dumb it down.
Runner-Up: People in Anchorage were so friendly! Fellow at airport changed all my US dollars for Alaskan currency so I wouldn’t have to wait in line.
29. Neal Brennan – @nealbrennan
Twitter Bio: Co-creator of Chappelle’s Show and less successful things. Comedian. Hero. Victim.
Best Recent Tweet: I like how on cop cars, “To protect and serve” is in quotes, like they’re being sarcastic.
Runner-Up: Not to brag, but I only need 10 hours of awake a day.
28. Merlin Mann – @hotdogsladies
Twitter Bio: More hot cocoa, Cyclops?
Best Recent Tweet: I just accidentally favorited my own toot and briefly went blind.
Runner-Up: Given the acrid shake weed stench teeming from every heating vent in our house, I fear the neighbors’ fake glaucoma has taken a grave turn.
27. Megan Amram – @meganamram
Twitter Bio: it’s this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that’s ‘in’ right now. – my mom
Best Recent Tweet: I think the most fucked up thing about the Catholic Church is that they force Bishops to only move in diagonals
Runner-Up: “Malcolm In The Middle” is a good TV show but a GREAT recipe for a Human Centipede
26. Jason Isbell – @JasonIsbell
Twitter Bio: Buckets of reign.
Best Recent Tweet: The dog from Jane’s Addiction lives in the yard behind my house and he’s constantly practicing his ONE solo.
Runner-Up: “Onstage, we’re known as .38 Special, but here at JC Penney, we’re 38 regular.”
26. Hipster Runoff – @hipsterrunoff
Twitter Bio: Hipster Runoff is a blog worth blogging about.
Best Recent Tweet: Should the #121212Concert rebrand as ‘The Gathering of the Honkies’?
Runner-Up: I had a nightmare that I was on #TeenMom. Being a mom wasn’t too scary, but my horrible hair was. :-(