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10 Ridiculous Breaking Bad Predictions

September 13, 2013  |  3:39pm
10 Ridiculous <i>Breaking Bad</i> Predictions

I’ve completely given up trying to predict what’s going to happen in Breaking Bad. I think we’re all in agreement that whatever happens is going to surprise us, so I’ve taken to trying to predict the most outlandish scenarios possible and hoping that one of them hits. Here are a few:

1. Todd & Lydia
The impetus for this list came from our review and Shane Ryan’s desire to see Todd and Lydia hook up, which, let’s be honest, is what a lot of us were thinking when they sat down for the intense one-on-one about meth purity. This makes sense for two reasons: 1) I don’t think there’s been a character in the history of television who’s needed to get laid as much as Lydia does, and 2) Maybe I’m alone on this, but I’ve been rooting for Todd the whole time. If he HAS to die, wouldn’t getting it on with Lydia be a nice consolation prize for the Todd fans among us?

2. The A-1 Son
How great would it be if Walt and Skyler are out of the picture and Walt Jr. is forced to run the car wash by himself? This was set up in the last episode when Skyler teaches him the value of brand reinforcement (“Have an A-1 day!”). Another episode’s worth of training and I think he’s got it.

3. Huell Makes It Rain
One of the greatest frames of the series was the shot of Huell lying down contentedly on Walt’s stack of money in the storage locker. I’m not satisfied. Can we not have Huell and Kuby end up with the seven barrels of cash when all’s said and done, followed by a lavish party scene in which they make it rain from the balcony, light cigars with 100 dollar bills, the works? Although if you leave Huell alone in a room with the cash I’m worried we might get into some NSFW territory.

4. Full-Time Therapy
Everyone dies and Marie goes catatonic.

5. The Denny’s Theory
Walt Jr. is SO innocent and SO clueless that it really is hard for me to imagine him just finding out about everything. It’s close to inconceivable. Maybe Skyler needs to take more drastic measures to shield him from the truth as things get more intense and he starts asking more pointed questions. And what’s the best way to distract Walt Jr.? What about giving him a brick of cash and sending him to a 24-hour Denny’s until things cool down? The main thing I want out of this is an extended montage of Walt Jr. having a field day in breakfast food heaven set to a forgotten ‘60s/’70s song a la Walt’s “Crystal Blue Persuasion” meth-cooking victory scene.

6. The Optimistic Theory
What if Walt is actually loving life in Saul’s witness protection program and was just returning to his old house for the ricin so he could use it to take care of a rodent problem at his new digs? Just a thought.

7. Stache Wins
Hank and Gomez die in the shootout with the neo-Nazis. That DEA agent with the killer mustache solves the case, finds the money and arrests Walt. He gets promoted and is hailed as a hero. Would anyone really be upset if that ‘stache got some more screen time?

8. Welcome Back, White
What if Walt gets away, his cancer subsides and he decides to teach at a local community college where one of his students is…Todd, who’s decided to start a new life after the rest of his neo-Nazi family was killed in the fire fight with Hank and Gomez. He’s always been Walt’s perfect pupil, so why not take it to a proper setting? He could ask “Mr. White” a legitimate chemistry question and Walt could give a clever, obliquely meth-related answer before turning to the camera and winking. Series over.

9. The MetroPCS Plan
The traumatic experience with Walt causes Saul to give up his career as a lawyer and dive head first into the second-hand cell phone racket.

10. Breaking Good
Everyone assumes Todd’s Nazi family is probably going down sooner or later, but what if they’re the only ones left standing and have somehow learned how to cook the blue stuff? This could set up Vince Gilligan’s next series, “Breaking Good,” in which a family of hardened killer neo-Nazis with a meth empire slowly transform into one of Albuquerque’s most kind-hearted and upstanding families, culminating in Season 5 when they open New Mexico’s first all-vegan bakery.

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