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The 10 Best Cartman Characters in South Park's History

October 15, 2013  |  4:51pm
The 10 Best Cartman Characters in South Park's History

On this season’s premiere of South Park, Eric Cartman took on the persona of Edward Snowden as he attempted to infiltrate the NSA. As a tribute to Cartman’s dedication, we’ve compiled a list of his best character personas of all time.

10. The Incredible Hulk
Last season, the South Park gang decided to dress up as The Avengers for Halloween. Stan as Captain America, Kenny as Iron Man, Kyle as Thor and Cartman as the Incredible Hulk. After being mistaken for Honey Boo Boo and Bruce Vilanch, Cartman wants to unleash his Hulk-like anger out on some thieves attempting to rob a Redbox vending machine. Once the Avengers arrive on the scene, the group quickly realizes that they might have made a huge mistake by confronting the burglars.





9. Gandalf
In season six episode 13, “The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers,” Cartman and the group decide to reenact the Lord of the Rings trilogy after watching one of the movies. However, Randy and Sharon also rented a pornographic movie the same night and accidentally placed it in the Lord of the Rings box. Randy sends the boys out on a “quest” to get the video back from the store so he can switch them back. Led by Cartman as “Gandalf,” the gang must get the dirty video back to Randy and keep it out of the hands of the sixth-graders, meant to be the Ringwraiths.





8. The Dwarf Character From World of Warcraft
In the South Park episode “Make Love Not Warcraft,” Cartman and the gang become obsessed with playing World of Warcraft. Unfortunately, an evil unknown player is making life in the World of Warcraft a living hell as he continuously slaughters all the defenseless players. Cartman, playing as the dwarf character, devises a plan with Stan, Kyle and Kenny to take out the player and Cartman unleashes some major “pwnage.”





7. Jennifer Lopez
For his class presentation on cultural diversity in the arts, Cartman does a ventriloquist act, using his hand to represent Latin recording artist Jennifer Lopez. However, the judges, and everyone else in the world are convinced that Cartman’s hand is the real J-LO, including her fiancé at the time Ben Affleck. Music executives decide that they like “Ms. Lopez” better than J-LO and the real Jennifer Lopez becomes infuriated. After she attempts to kill “Ms. Lopez,” Cartman reveals that she is actually a con man named Mitch Connor who then dies from supposedly taking a cyanide capsule. Jennifer Lopez’s career is ruined by Cartman and she is forced to work at a La Taco restaurant while on probation.





6. Bane from The Dark Knight Rises
After all the men in South Park believe that the UPS man is sleeping with their wives, they take it upon themselves to dress up like Bane from The Dark Knight Rises to scare him out of town. To protect his own mother, Cartman installs a security system but realizes its ineffectiveness to stop criminals from breaking into his home. Cartman implements his own plan by dressing up as Bane to take out the Wolf Home Security salesman. “It doesn’t matter who we are. What matters is our plan.”






5. The Coon
The Coon is a recurring character for Cartman throughout the South Park series. Cartman makes his first appearance as the Coon in season 13 episode 2 “The Coon.” Cartman takes on the identity of the Coon to fight crime in South Park. The best appearance comes in season 14 in the episode “Coon 2: Hindsight.” The made-up justice league of South Park, “Coon and Friends,” decide to work together to become the world’s greatest superheroes. Unfortunately for Coon and Friends, they keep being outshone by Captain Hindsight, a superhero whose only powers include telling individuals what they should have done to prevent certain disasters. After the BP oil spill, the company accidentally releases the dark creature Cthulhu, which Cartman controls as the Coon to get back at his friends for kicking him out of the league.






4. Edward Snowden
South Park is always on topic with current news trends. Following the NSA debacle over the summer, Trey Parker and Matt Stone decided to take on the government agency by sending Eric Cartman in to infiltrate their system. Cartman is convinced Kyle is working for the NSA so the government can spy on him. He then decides to apply for a job there so he can “blow the whistle” on the entire operation. Cartman then discovers that the NSA has labeled him as “fat and unimportant.” Cartman finds the truth about where the NSA gets all its intel, and is horrified to see that the government is using Santa Claus to monitor citizens. “This is how we know who’s a threat and who’s not. This is how we know who’s sleeping and who’s awake.” Naturally, no one believes him.





3. Jim Cramer
In the episode “You Have 0 Friends,” Stan is forced to join Facebook due to peer pressure and hates everything about it. Cartman capitalizes on the Facebook trend by turning into Mad Money’s Jim Cramer. Cartman creates his own internet podcast Mad Friends where he gives other kids advice on who to friend and de-friend. “Hello fellow Facebook-ers, I’m here to do one thing: Get you more friends!” Cartman says as he breaks down the value of every kid in their grade. And according to Cartman “chick” friends are almost worth triple of what “dude” friends are.





2. Glenn Beck
For season 13 episode 13, “Dances With Smurfs,” Cartman schemes his way into becoming the student who reads the morning announcements after the former announcer, Gordon Stoltski, is murdered in a case of mistaken identity. Cartman then begins a quest to impeach student body president Wendy Testaburger, convinced she’s out to kill the entire Smurf population. Before the episode is over, Cartman has completely turned into Glenn Beck. He has his own show “EC” (GB), releases a book What Happened To my School?, as well as a “documentary” Dances With Smurfs, which he also claims James Cameron stole and used for the plot of Avatar. “What happened to my schooooool?”





1. Dog The Bounty Hunter
Cartman has no problem taking the law into his own hands. In season 10 episode 10, “Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy,” Cartman is given the position of Hall Monitor at school and the power goes straight to his head. He turns into Dog the Bounty Hunter and fully loads up on “Bear Spray” as he attempts to take down a student-teacher love affair that’s plaguing the school. Cartman makes it very clear that people should respect his “authoritah,” or suffer the consequences.

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