For my own version of March Madness I decided to create a bracket of all the “Life on the Road for a Musician is Really, Really Hard...no REALLY” videos. If you are of legal drinking age and own a TV you are aware of the genre we are discussing. If you were abandoned as a baby and raised by a wolf pack you may not, for your edification here are some of the essential criteria:
* Lyrics about the Hard Part of Rocking so Hard
* Slow Tempo, Semi Ballad (This is serious and important)
* Missing Family Shots (Hey man we’re not orphans, if so we’d be in a punk band)
* Boarding Private Airplane Shots (This is how we roll)
* Hysterical Fans Weeping Shots (we make women swoon / bare breasts/ and men raise their fists / bump chests)
* Pyrotechnics at the Song’s Climax (duh)
* Sweat from all the Hard Work (Don’t let the smiles and repetitive high-fivin’ fool ya; It’s hard work, and all those CRAZY cool lights are f&*ckin hot!)
* Contemplative Limo Shots (hey man it’s lonely out there)
* Mustached Roadie Passing Out Towels and Opening Doors Shots(they’re our Boyz!)
* Stretching, Shadow Boxing, Jumping in Place (It’s just like goin’ 15 rounds EVERY NIGHT)
* Drummer Drumming a Chair / Couch Backstage (You do what ya can to get fired up, it’s hard bringin’ it EVERY NIGHT)
* Booze, Lots and Lots of Booze, (it’s crazy hard out there and sometimes you need to unwind)
* Sunglasses, Preferably Mirrored (hey man it’s bright out there. I’ve been up all night and I don’t want people to see my bloodshot peepers, in fact don’t even try to make eye contact with me)
* Lots and Lots and Lots of Contemplation (We think hard)
* Slapping Hands with Fans from the Stage (hey, they paid big bucks to be up front, or they’re hot)
* haunting repetitive piano / semi acoustic guitar lick w/ a little finger picking (Hey man we can play; not everyone can play this part; it’s hard)
* Hotel Rooms, they all look the same (you probably don’t know this; we are on the road a lot, so we stay in lots of hotels, we figure we’d show you what we do in them)
* Looking out the tourbus at the long stretch of road / horizon/ mountains (we tour nationally, and some places look differently than other places, sometimes it’s hard to remember where you are)
* Girls, Chicks, Groupies, etc (hey we rock and chicks are the reward if you rock this hard)
* Check out the Arena When it’s Empty, to Get a Feel for the Stage (It’s not just about Showtime, you gotta put in some hard hours)
* Silhouette Shots (Sometimes it’s dark sometimes it’s light, but it’s always hard)
* YOU MUST HAVE LONG HAIR (It takes Commitment to Rock this Look, and Commitment is Hard)...............................................................................................................................
Although entertaining, the first few rounds proved unsuccessful for any darkhorse upstarts, which paved the way for some real heavies to dance into the final four.
Representing the North East Conference: Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive”
Representing the Midwest Conference (Via Detroit): Bob Seger’s “Turn The Page”
Representing the Southern Conference (Via Detroit): Kid Rock’s “Only God Knows Why”
Representing the Western Conference: Journey’s “Faithfully”
This week is “Faithfully” vs “Turn The Page"” and “Wanted Dead or Alive” vs Only God Knows Why”
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