You Say It’s Your Birthday…?

So I woke up to this picture staring at me from my crackberry.....

I have the pleasure of knowing the charged person in this picture, and I sincerely hope he takes some time after his upcoming run of Holiday shows to go off with his beautiful family for some much needed rest.  The last thing we need to report is another rock and roll casualty. 

Other Birthday wishes:

Penn follows Teller and goes mute.  I mean is Identity the single worst show on the neglectomatic? I can hear the pitch now, “Okay, we have the most annoying magician this side of Doug Henning host a show were we further entrench stereotypes of every walk of life and pay for it with commercial breaks every thirty-five seconds.  The best part is we can land some plumb cameos like.... err… Eve Plumb, you know Jan Brady from the Brady Bunch.  The best part is they can invite up to three annoying friends or family members to stand stage left and yell asinine advice such as ‘Dude, Dude, Dude, no way dude’ (verbatim) and then have all the “mystery” identities reveal themselves with pithy one liners.... the MLB Umpire can say, ‘you are SAFE!’ when correctly identified.” This is a play by play of what I had to endure while I waited for the ice to melt perfectly into in my two fingers of Scotch.  Of course the VP of Common Sense was taking a powder when the wunderkid from the mail room of Dumbtown green lit this fiasco. To break my pencil underlying this point, “you are SAFE!’ (yes, complete with hand motion) occured just after the contestant, a Private Eye in “real life”, hemmed and hawed, literally, for a good minute staring at 6 people, two of whom are men, and only one of which is a hefty 50 year old male.  The P.I. is about to pick the obvious Hollywood Stuntman as the MLB Ump because, “he just looks so athletic.” Luckily Magnum’s “bestest guy friend in the whole wide world” hollas from the sidelines.... “no way, no way it’s the fat guy with the weird face, it’s gotta be him because an ump’s gotta get up in everyone’s face and HOLLA y’all.” APPLAUSE

The “B.G.F.I.T.W.W.W.” then turns to chest bump the other clueless special helping friend, who is still miffed because she, yes she, picked Jan Brady as the “Academy Award Winner” on the previous pick.  I know what you are thinking....  it’s so bad, it’s good? Unfortunately this just is not the case.  Don’t get me wrong, I like The O.C. as much as the next malcontent (that Sandy Cohen is such a stand-up guy) but Identity is no Mischa Barton. 

Second Birthday Wish; Someone would let me make up a few awards for this year’s Plug Awards such as:

Best Salve for making it through Blood Diamond:  Sierra Leone’s Refugee All-Stars

Best Mash-Up of Great Songs from Over-exposed Hype Machines: “Damn Girl” J-Timba-lake (you know it’s only a matter of time) feat.  Will. I. Am / “Suga Mama” Beyonce’

Best Better than Corinne Bailey Rae with the same singing voice: “Stronger than Me” Amy Winehouse

Best Song Desperately waiting for Ryan Adams to discover and cover: “Sweet City Woman” Stampeders

Best Song to drink large amounts of cough syrup and mow your lawn to:  “Oh Centra!” Javelin ( Go Get This Song ) In fact if you write the best pithy remark about my highly opinionated babble in the comment section at the end of this post OR you are the first person to answer the lyrical question, “what do the fight for in Cranston?” (answer in the song) , I will personally send you a limited edition 45 of the single.  Seriously send your address to

One last Birthday Wish:  For my new pilot “Reenactor Factor”, a show providing reenactments of some of the best reenactments ever reenacted, to be picked up by FX and shown right after It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  This would be better than the feliz compleanos spanking I’m going to get from my Aunt with the fuzzy upper lip.