Shark Week Continues with Kelsey Grammar School

Kelsey Grammar School

Following up with another post from Sweet Talk’s “Shark Week”.  During a little après skiing libation consumption, ST ended up in a very involved fireside conversation in regards to how some sharks never stop moving.  In summary they are the benchmark for ADD.  Naturallythis conversation caromed off into how grey sharks give birth.

Basically, it ain’t pretty. The species is ovoviviparous, which basically means that young sharks hatch inside the female shark’s uterus and immediately begin eating their siblings; a intrauterine, cannibalistic survival of the fittest so to speak. Only after the carnage is over and a few remain does she finally gives birth to the survivors. I guess this is how you breed the killer instinct.

During this vivid description someone happened to mention the odds of being eaten by a shark; they’re low, i.e. better chance of being hit by lightning or hearing Chinese Democracy. However, someone had heard a rumor that Kelsey Grammar of Cheers and Frasier fame had lost not one but two brothers to shark attacks. 

Those assembled let of a chorus of dubious guffaws and began placing large drunken wagers on the story’s veracity.  After a few clicks on the Blackberry it turns out there is more than a morsel of truth to the tale. In fact the same query unearthed tragedies for the good Doctor Crane. 

Solely for educational purposes here is a brief rundown of Grammar’s family misfortune:

His grandfather died of cancer at age 62
His father was murdered in the Virgin Island by a multiple shooting.
His sister was raped and murdered after leaving a Red Lobster
His half brothers were killed in a bizarre Scuba accident meets Shark attack.

The extreme family misfortune befallen one man seems to lie somewhere between Job and a over the top Christopher Guest parody. 

Since we were all better educated on the sad history of the fine actor and simply to lighten the conversation, we determined Kelsey Grammar School would be a good name for eighth grade punk band, right up there with Brian Jonestown Massacre, and Kathleen Turner Overdrive.  We proceeded to spend the next ten minutes belting out our top ten favorite Kelsey Grammar School tunes.  My personal favorite was “Kelsey Grammar High”.  Not only did the spontaneous lyrics center on Grammar’s battle with drugs and his sexual tension with Lilith, it seemed like a nice transitional graduation from Kelsey Grammar School.

Anyway this is what happens when you start talking about sharks after drinking single malt by the fire.