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Ask Black Crowes Drummer Steve Gorman Anything

September 8, 2009  |  9:30am

My end of Summer soundtrack revolves around the Black Crowes (they just scratch so many itches), and after burning through their entire catalogue and a couple of fine bootlegs the hankering for seeing the boys in three dimension took hold.  I wandered their website in search of tour dates only to discover their rougish drummer, Steve Gorman had found his inner Dear Abby, offering pearls of wisdom to the greater world.  In a stoke of good fortune I was the first person to engage Gorman's sagacity:

Steve,

Will the Red Sox take the Wild Card Spot and why are you so damn wise?

Respectfully submitted,

Sweet Talk

Sweet Talk

I know the Wild Card looks good right now for the Sox, but I don’t think they’re gonna be able to hold on.  I know that’s hard to hear, and I am sorry to be the one to break it to you, but one must look at the big picture in times like these.

The fans in New England already have the return of a healthy Tom Brady to look forward to, not to mention the addition of Rasheed Wallace to an already tough as nails Celtics lineup, and a re-signed Recchi giving the Bruins three strong lines to contend with.  With all that in mind, for the Sox to make the playoffs this year would just be too much to take for all of us that live out here in “I Hate All Boston Teams-Land”. The Gods of Sport simply won’t allow it.  I see an Ellsbury knee blowing out soon, or maybe a Big Papi hip flexor situation.  Who knows?  Maybe Wakefield throws one of those ludicrous fluttering ducks into his own dugout and a Red Sox vs. Red Sox bench clearing brawl erupts…..why not?  Stranger things have happened.  A man can dream, can’t he?

And, as for why I am so damned wise, it’s really just a question of the company I keep making me look that way.  Jay, seriously - look at the knuckleheads I surround myself with.  I mean, Gilligan would come across like Ghandi if he were hanging out on this tour bus for more than five minutes.

 

The subsequent questions continued to feature Gorman's  jocular, facetious, and downright waggish wit.  One of my personal favorites:

 

Dear Steve,
Does “whacking your haddock” really make Jesus cry?
Mr. Kite

Mr. Kite,
Not at all!  That’s a common misconception, though.  In fact,
“Flogging your cod brings you closer to God!”
Got it?  It’s easy to see where you went awry here.
SG

To ask Steve the answers to life's riddles simply go to http://blackcrowes.com/wwws/index.php

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