If J.J. Abrams' Super 8 Teaser Trailer isn't for a Cloverfield Sequel, What is it For?

J.J. Abrams
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Speculation has been flying around the internet this week as bloggers and readers try to guess what Super 8, the mysterious teaser from J.J. Abrams, will reveal this weekend when it’s shown before screenings of Iron Man 2. Popular opinion is that Super 8 is a Cloverfield follow-up, or possibly even a prequel, but Abrams told Vulture yesterday that Super 8 “has nothing whatsoever to do with Cloverfield.” Unsure if we believed him, we came up with some alternate theories about the filmmaker’s closely-guarded secret.

1. Super 8 is actually the entire pilot episode of Abrams’ ">new spy series for NBC
Abrams’ Undercovers sparked a bidding war last October, with all the networks scrambling to get their hands on the new series. In it, Abrams revisits a favorite subject: spies. A couple that’s retired from the CIA decides to get back in the espionage game after the disappearance of an old colleague. Unfortunately for Iron Man 2, the pilot’s so good, audiences wind up feeling mildly disappointed that the remainder of their time in the theater isn’t spent watching more episodes of Undercovers.

2. Super 8 is in fact a teaser for Abrams’ upcoming homage to/collaboration with Steven Spielberg, inspired by his work of the ‘70s and ‘80s, such as Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and E.T.
The teaser reveals that alien sharks are descending upon the Earth to commandeer our supply of Reese’s Pieces. Capers, most assuredly, will ensue.

3. Super 8 is the opening 10 minutes of a Star Trek sequel. Abrams, known for his efficacy with keeping secrets, has actually filmed an entire follow-up to his hit film without anyone knowing. Revealing his recent announcement that he’d retire from acting to be a red herring, Leonard Nimoy tag-teams Spock duty with Zachary Quinto.
Audiences are confused as Spock’s age inexplicably fluctuates at random intervals over the course of the film.

4. Delighting fans of prematurely-canceled HBO series Deadwood, Super 8 is a preview for the oft-promised Deadwood movie, helmed by Abrams.
Unfortunately, between Undercovers and Mission: Impossible 4, Abrams has spies on the brain. Audiences are disillusioned when the trailer shows Deadwood appropriating a scene from the original Mission: Impossible as Swearengen, cussing up a storm, lowers Bullock into Hearst’s suite by a rope, looking for incriminating evidence against the man who threatens to take over the town.

5. We can theorize all we want, but it turns out that The Playlist saw the trailer this morning and has laid it all out in detail.
Spoiler after the jump!