Dear everyone rooting for the complete spiritual decline of the planet Earth,
We wanted to be the first to congratulate you on a piece of really great news: Of all the songs people Googled in the year 2013, none were more popular than “Harlem Shake.” That’s right—human beings across this vast sphere were more curious about “Harlem Shake” than any other piece of music, and the ultimate destruction of all personal dignity in is right on schedule!
Google released the list this week, using data culled from 72 countries, and if “Harlem Shake”’s big victory didn’t convince you that we’ll all be festering in godawful art within a decade, you’ll be thrilled to know that “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus came in a strong second. Almost as good, right?! Here’s the full top 10:
1. Baauer’s “Harlem Shake”
2. Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball”
3. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ “Thrift Shop”
4. Lorde’s “Royals”
5. Adele’s “Skyfall”
6. Jay Z’s “Tom Ford”
7. Jay Z’s “Holy Grail”
8. Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines”
9. Katy Perry’s “Roar”
10. Imagine Dragons’ “Radioactive”
If you’re interested in examining other ways in which humanity’s integrity has withered to a near-fatal state, check out the full database of Google entertainment trends, which includes the most-searched concert acts (Thirty Seconds to Mars wins, somehow), memes (Grumpy Cat), dance moves (“Gangnam Style”), gifs (“twerk gif”), and other categories that not only imply the end of millennia upon millennia of human evolution, but actually suggest a swift reversal of the process.
Thanks as always for your continued interest in the utter destruction of the better angels of our nature, and look out for next month’s newsletter. We’re thinking it will probably be a series of emojis communicating the news that nobody in the world has bought a book in weeks.