Welcome to a brand new feature here at Paste: The Bracket of the Week!
Each week, until the world ends, we’ll be staging a 16-team bracket to decide, once and for all…some important question. And the great thing about this is that YOU, the Paste reader, get to decide who wins! That’s right—this whole thing is driven by your vote. Each bracket will begin on Monday, and culminate with the announcement of a champion on Friday.
This week’s topic: The Worst Movie Titles of 2013
Please note that we’re judging the titles here, not the content of the movies themselves (thought I’m guessing many of these movies didn’t exactly kill in the content department either). To choose the 16 teams that will be squaring off in the bracket, I scoured websites listing every American movie from 2013. It wasn’t an easy process, nor was it fun. But after hours of research, and a few brushes with delirium, the bracket was set. And now we present it to you:
(Click on the image to enlarge in a new page)
Before we turn to the first-round voting, let’s meet our hopefuls. And remember: No matter what happens over the course of the bracket, these titles are all losers. Every one of them.
Starting with the low Cinderella seeds:
Sunlight Jr. — He’ll never be as sunny as his old man.
People of a Feather — When you use a cliche, and tweak it slightly, you can probably bet that you’ve created a really awful title.
Only God Forgives — This probably sounded badass, in someone’s head. But in everyone else’s, it sounds sad and pathetic.
— It’s a tornado…of sharks. Wait, I don’t think you’re getting this. See, first imagine an average, ocean-bound shark…
Dead Man Down — If you took the worst elements of Dead Man Walking and Blackhawk Down, and then
Money is the Master — “And mankind is the slave, man!,” says the punk rocking 7th grader who will grow up to work on Wall St.
An Oversimplification of Her Beauty — An awkwardly phrased half-idea that is ultimately meaningless.
Grace Unplugged — Using a name that doubles as a concept and adding a past-tense verb is the main trick of bad short story writers. “Destiny Unraveled.” “Faith Undone.” GAH. College flashbacks!
Big Ass Spider — I actually love this.
The Last Exorcism: Part II — Wait, you said the last exorcism was going to be the last exorcism!
Knife Fight — Just two hours of dudes fighting with knives, I guess. Trivia: This was never the working title for West Side Story.
Reaching for the Moon — Remember what we said about altered cliches? THIS TECHNIQUE WILL NEVER DIE.
White House Down — The whole thing?? Like, down where?
Dhoom: 3 — I can’t believe this franchise has survived to reach the trilogy stage. Note: the “H” is not silent. In fact, you have to pronounce it emphatically, or everyone will know you’re a poseur.
Vikingdom — The Kingdom of the Vikings, distilled into one annoying word that doesn’t even really sound right.
Rapture Palooza — “We’re going to have a huge party to celebrate being damned to a lake of fire!”
Vote below (remember: In each match-up, you’re voting for the worse of the two titles), and check back tomorrow to see who advanced.
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