The idea of braggadocio in rap is hardly a new concept. For as long as there’s been one person saying something, there’s been another one responding with, “I can do that too, but just a little bit better than you.”
Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you like the occasional lyrical train wreck), rappers sometimes make head-scratching word choices. We’ve picked 15 of the finest examples of awkward rap brags. Feel free to use them if you’re ever in a word battle of your own—you’ll probably confuse your opponent for long enough to score a victory.
1. Kanye West
The Song: Rihanna’s “Diamonds” Remix
The Line: “On the radio, man I miss myself/I need to just step back and kiss myself.”
The Verdict: This is reminiscent of a teenager about to go on his first date, and is practicing by kissing a pillow. Can’t you just picture Yeezus with his arms wrapped around his back and shoulders, making kissing noises? Actually, that’s too clear a picture, and something that’s probably happened. Let’s move on.
The Song: “Ayo”
The Line: “Looking in the mirror like I wish I can be me.”
The Verdict: Not sure if this is a reference to some underlying lack of self-confidence Tyga has, or if he’s saying he’d rather be himself than Chris Brown, the other artist featured on this song. If it’s the latter, he’s hardly alone in that sentiment.
3. Warren G
The Song: “I Want It All”
The Line: “I want it all, brand new socks and drawers.”
The Verdict: Since regulating back in the mid-‘90s, Warren G has apparently found enjoyment in the finer things in life. Namely, crisp new socks and underwear. This is just kind of a sad brag, though.
The Song: “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down”
The Line: “Young, black and famous, with money hanging out the anus.”
The Verdict: This just sounds uncomfortable. Think about it for a second—but not any longer than that, because it’s kind of gross. Bonus points for unintentionally reminding us of this scene about a “buttload of money” from the movie 2gether.
The Song: “You Don’t Really Want It”
The Line: “I spit tighter, I’m not like all the rest/I’m not a playa but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express.”
The Verdict: Remember those commercials back in the day, where someone would do something completely miraculous, like deliver a baby or make a perfectly-grilled cheese sandwich, and everyone standing around them would be in awe? Then the person who did said miracle would be like “Oh, I’m not a doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.” KRS-One isn’t really a playa, but he did have a good night sleep.
6. Rich Homie Quan
The Song: “Lifestyle”
The Line: “Hey, I’m on the top just like toupee/Hey, I’m in her mouth just like toothpaste.”
The Verdict: Rinsing and spitting was never a more appropriate response to anything. Let’s just hope it’s a good toupee.
The Song: Rhianna’s “Numb”
The Line: “I’m the butt police/And I’m looking at your rear, rear, rear.”
The Verdict: Well, at least Em appears to be doing his job here. What else do you think is included in the work description for a butt police officer? Kicking it? Patting it? Just observing from a distance? So many questions that we’ll probably never have the answers to, as there has been no BPD (Butt Police Division) opened anywhere in the world.