New Nonprofit Wants You to Skip Showers to Eat Beef

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You can’t have your beef and shower, too.

At least, that’s the idea behind, a nonprofit organization founded in the midst of the California drought to educate the public on drought awareness, advocate water conservation and employ eco-friendly methods to protect the beef industry.

The science behind the movement is that apparently, one pound of beef leaves a water footprint of 1,800 gallons. That’s equal to about 105 showers (provided you don’t enjoy them as much as Carlton Banks). So, what does that mean for a casual meat eater who still wants to tear into that juicy quarter-pounder without feeling remorse for drought victims? Simple: just stop taking showers.

If it sounds too overwhelming at first, don’t worry: two smiley hipsters who participate in the campaign and are clearly not paid actors reading off a clunky script remind us that it only equates to nine showers an ounce. You could start your anti-hygiene bender on a Friday, party all weekend, piss your coworkers off for the entire next week and then do it all over again on the next weekend!

In all seriousness, this is a doable thing. Dermatologists insist it’s not necessary to shower every day. There are a number of effective and well-publicized (thanks, Zac Efron) alternatives for staying squeaky clean, and they’re all available at the nonprofit’s website, along with a handy chart that offers the shower equivalents for several different beef dishes. There’s even a testimonial video from Grammy-nominated electronic artist Moby, which is actually a cruel and highly ineffective joke because Moby is a vegan and will simply laugh at our suffering as he enjoys the benefits of an ethically superior and healthier lifestyle. Hey, it’s the thought that counts.

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