Joseph Fiennes to Play Michael Jackson in British TV Movie... (Wait, What?)

TV News JOSEPH
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I guess we should begin by congratulating Joseph Fiennes, who will soon become the first actor in human history to play both William Shakespeare (Shakespeare in Love) and Michael Jackson in his career. Experts said it was impossible, but Fiennes has pulled off the miracle of dreams.

Wait, what’s that you’re saying? This is not a miracle, and not even a dream? This is just kinda weird?

Hmm….

Well, let’s stick to the facts. Fiennes, according to The Guardian, will play the King of Pop in a British TV movie set to air on the Sky Arts network. The drama, as yet untitled, will revisit Jackson’s car ride from New York to Ohio following the 9/11 tragedy. Along with Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brandon, Jackson took off for all points west, hitting the highways in lieu of the shut-down airports, renting a car and eating bad road food.

This is an odd story, made even odder by the fact that Elizabeth Taylor might not have made the trip at all. In any case, all three have passed, so the real details of the story—did Brando actually annoy the other two by insisting that they stop at every Burger King and KFC along the way?—may remain a mystery forevermore. But at least we’ll have a TV movie, I guess.

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