Today President Obama is nominating Merrick Garland, the chief judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, for the Supreme Court seat opened up by Antonin Scalia’s death. If you look at his track record, you’ll probably think Garland is a relative moderate who leans left on some issues and maybe a little to the right on others. If you only look at right-wing media, you’ll think he’s a flaming liberal traitor bent on destroying America and selling our children to ISIS. The Republican-controlled Senate has long sworn that they would refuse to even begin hearings on any Obama SCOTUS nominee, and reiterated that fact this morning, even though Garland was approved for his current position in 1997 by at least seven Republicans still serving in the Senate today. Based on how you look at it, Obama’s either directly challenging the Republicans’ refusal to do their constitutional duties by nominating a relative moderate who has already been approved by many sitting senators, or else he’s capitulating to conservative political posturing by not nominating a genuine, inarguable progressive. Expect this beef to stink for months and months until the inevitable Trump junta makes us long for the halcyon days when the Supreme Court was still a thing.
There’s one thing everybody can agree on, though: “Merrick Garland” is a weird name.
If you only get your news from Twitter (well, first off, please don’t vote) all you probably know about Merrick Garland is that his name sounds like a lot of other things. So many other things! Twitter is basically one big “Merrick Garland sounds like [some other, supposedly funny thing]” joke right now. Here are a bunch of things that Merrick Garland’s name sounds like, along with a few legitimate, traditional jokes from Twitter, as well. If you only read one thing about Merrick Garland this year, please please please make sure it’s not this (unless the other thing is some kind of Judicial Crisis Network hit piece, or other right-wing propaganda; in that case, please only get your news from tweet galleries right here at www.pastemagazine.com).
Tweets courtesy of the following: