Overwatch is officially out this week, but between all the open and private betas you’ve probably played or seen someone play it by now. The team-based shooter is wildly popular, and a lot of that has to do with its accessibility as a game, but its characters act as the tip of the spear in Blizzard’s assault on your free time. Their eyes dart around when you highlight them on the character select screen, their looks are distinct and diverse, and they hint at a world you can uncover in marketing videos. They’re what bring people in.
Overwatch’s characters are wonderful, but they’re also a bunch of bullshit. Almost all of these characters have made me furious at them at one point during my time in the betas, whether they dealt too much damage, recovered too much health, or had some other crazy gimmick I didn’t want to play around. Rather than ranking these characters by how much we like them, we’ve decided to rank them here according how much bullshit they are, using the scientifically quantifiable method of how many times they made me say or think curse words.