Here Are the Jokes Ann Coulter Turned Down for Rob Lowe's Roast

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Ann Coulter may have seemed like the strangest addition to an already-bizarre lineup for the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe, and that’s probably because she was. Coulter had some difficulties with finding funny things to say at the roast, despite the wealth of material she had to drawn on. This starts to make sense when you consider the fact that Coulter claims she wrote most of the jokes herself.

Coulter’s statement was backed up by the roast’s writer Mike Lawrence, who confirmed that he didn’t contribute very much to the In Trump We Trust author’s set, one which he described as “the perfect trio of comedy: racism, homophobia, and Mike Pence.”

During a Facebook Live event, Lawrence revealed to America some of the rejected jokes he wrote for Coulter. To recite the jokes, Lawrence decided to use a hand puppet named “Coultergeist,” just to further the illusion that Coulter herself was in the room. Here are five jokes the conservative pundit turned down, despite their consistency with her brand.

1. “Peyton Manning is a model citizen and his forehead is a model for the wall that Trump’s going to put between the U.S. and Mexico.”

2. “Ralph Macchio’s first-ever credit was in the movie Up the Academy, playing a character called Chooch Bambalazi. Are you serious? Even Donald Trump thinks it’s too racist to call a wop Chooch Bambalazi.”

3. “That would be like if Jeff Ross’s first credit was a character called Mosha Gefilte Fish Streisand Ziegmilliaberg. And before you ask Jeff, I wouldn’t fuck you with Hillary Clinton’s dick.”

4. “Rob Lowe is like America: He hasn’t been great since Reagan was president, and unemployment is becoming more and more of a problem for him.”

5. “Giving you a roast is the worst decision Comedy Central’s made since they replaced Jon Stewart with a South African child. That’s a Trevor Noah joke, the one immigrant I’m most excited to see deported. Am I white, people? Am I white?”

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