12 Calorie-Laden Recipes to Make You Forget about the Election

The next few days are going to be rough. For all of you early voters*, why not partake in a few of these calorie behemoths to food-coma your way through the last of the election? Step away from the computer and into the kitchen, whip up one of these monsters, apply directly to the face and we’ll see you all on Wednesday.

No matter who you’re voting for, we all can agree that these recipes will make you happy for as long as it takes to consume them. And isn’t that what America is all about?

*If you haven’t voted early, please wait until after polls close on Tuesday to partake in the gluttony.

1. Cheesy Stuffed Garlic Bread Sliders
Photo: Tornadough Alli
Pair these carby cheese delights with a big bowl of homestyle spaghetti and meatballs and try to remember a simpler time.

2. Chicharrones Chimichangas
Photo: Nomageddon
The future of America is up for grabs, and sadly we still don’t have a taco truck on every corner. So why not enjoy these chimichangas while you can still get all of the ingredients in your local supermarket?

3. Bacon Mac & Cheese Egg Rolls
Photo: Miss in the Kitchen
America is a melting pot. These egg rolls are full of melty cheese. Love America. Eat carbs wrapped up in more carbs.

4. Chicken Fried Steak Bites with Country Gravy
Photo: Miss in the Kitchen
Did your state’s electoral votes evade your candidate of choice? Your heart might be sad, but your belly can be full if you only deep fry some beef and smother it with cream. Try to enjoy each and every bite and know that your vote counted.

5. Peanut Butter Snickers Cake
Photo: Tastes of Lizzy T
If you voted early, you deserve a reward. Enjoy an entire cake packed with caramel, peanut butter and chocolate. It’s all yours, you don’t have to share, we promise.

6. Caramel Pumpkin Monkey Bread
The election might be the most stressful period of the most beautiful season. Think back to October, when Election Day was still a month away, and enjoy this monkey bread (pictured at top) that has all of fall’s best flavors.

7. Jalapeno Mac & Cheese
Photo: Kitchen Treaty
If it’s spicy, you can ignore how many calories it has until you slip until a carb coma. That’s how it works, right? Just keep eating.

8. Grandma’s Baked Ziti
Photo: Trial And Eater
Grandma would never let you down. Even if she’s posting memes on Facebook dissing your candidate, she still makes a pretty sweet ziti. Remember the better parts of grandma and eat this ziti.

9. Baked Brie with Sweet Hot Pepper Jelly and Pear
Photo: Trial And Eater
This recipe may be full of cheese and sugar but it is classy AF. Like you are, you early voter.

10. Mocha Chocolate Cobbler
Photo: Neighbor Food
Fruit cobbler is so Election 2012, and drastic stakes call for decadent measures. Chocolate on top of chocolate is where it’s at.

11. Bacon, Shrimp and Corn Chowder
Photo: The Blond Cook
Corn chowder on its own is lame. Let’s move forward as a people and add shrimp and corn to this American favorite.

12. Dorito’s Crusted Cheddar Cheese Sticks
Photo: I Knead to Eat
Make Mozarella sticks great again! Bread them in Doritos.

Ashley Blom is a New Englander and haphazard foodie living in Austin, Texas. Her book, “How to Eat a Lobster” is coming from Quirk Books in 2017, and you can find her recipes and ramblings at forkingup.com.